Friday, October 29, 2010
A two month old orphaned infant was found alive in a storm drain in Indonesia after a Tsunami struck. As many as 400 are dead and another 300 missing. If that was me, I would name that baby Stormy Miracle. Let's hope we hear more good news.
Justin Bieber's newest music video "Never Say Never" will debut Saturday during the pregame of the World Series. Kelly Clarkson will sing the National Anthem. This is obviously an attempt by MLB and the network to increase their viewership among young people. If that was me, and I wanted more young people to watch, I would allow the players to text during the game, and broadcast the games in short videos on Youtube.
A toner cartridge that had been modified with wires and a white powder was discovered on a UPS plane at a British airport today. The package originated in Yemen, and while it was found to contain no explosives, it spurred a search of other UPS planes in both Philadelphia and Newark, NJ. This device could have been a test to the security systems being used by UPS. If that was me, the only thing making me feel as though terrorists will never blow up a UPS plane, is the sad fact the value of packages on one of their planes far outweighs the value of a plane filled with passengers.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A 21 year old Notre Dame student was killed today, when the video tower he was filming football practice from collapsed. Winds were reportedly gusting up to 51mph at the time. If that was me, running that practice, that kid would've never been up there. I love college football, but c'mon is it really that important to film practice when winds are that high.
A new App is coming to the IPhone and Droid, which will allow you to track registered sex offenders in the area of your phone. For more info go to http://www.sexoffendertrackerapp.com/ or purchase it directly from the App Store. If that was me, and I had a wife or kids, this is an App I would have and use often.
Lady GaGa has beaten Justin Bieber to 1 billion views on Youtube with her "little monsters" video. If that was me, and I was Justin Bieber, I guess I would have to start wearing meat, or maybe dressing strange to get my views higher than her. On second thought, let her have the record.
The Indianapolis school board is scheduled to vote two days before Thanksgiving on a measure to bring year round school to the city. The students would go to school in 8 to 10 week cycles with 3 to 5 weeks off between cycles. The theory behind it is to keep material fresh in students minds and to keep teachers fresh. If that was me, I would of done this a long time ago. I can't tell you the shock when I got my first job and realized I only got two weeks off the whole year.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The wife of a British lawmaker appeared in court Thursday to answer charges she broke into the home of a woman her husband fathered a child with and stole her kitten. The kitten has not been found, and the woman's husband is leading the search party. If that was me, I would be staying away from other person's kittens. Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?
A woman in the U.K. was pushed into an open grave during an argument with two cemetary workers. She was only rescued after placing a call via her mobile phone. If that was me, and I was at the bottom of that grave, there is no way I could convince any one I know I wasn't joking. I would probably still be there. How long before this is a Verizon commercial "Can you hear me now?"
Gene Simmons was hospitalized after collapsing yesterday while awaitng his flight at Los Angeles International Airport, reportedly due to dehydration. If that was me, and I was Gene, I would definitely turn this into a drink endorsement right away. It's all about the dollar, Gene.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Ratebeer.com is Olde English 800. If that was me, I would change the colors of the can and add some chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better. Or keep the can and sell it as a cleaner.
A Texas plant has been shut down amid suspicion it is to blame for chopped celery that may have killed up to 5 people. The celery was distributed to institutions by a compant called SanGar, which denies it is to blame. You think someone said who cares it's going to institutions, I hope not. If that was me, I would stop being so lazy people, buy your veggies, wash them and cut them yourselves. Every step you can control the safer you are.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
According to reports Justin Bieber's mom has banned him from dating after witnessing a backseat make out session. The details are still coming out, who could the other party be? If that was me, and I was his mom, I would just keep him away from John Mayer. He's getting to that age and already has the long hair.
Tampa Bay tight end Jerramy Stevens has been arrested after a traffic stop. He was pulled over at 7:05PM for loud music and was found to be in possesion of 38 grams of marijuana after the officer could smell it coming from the vechicle. He was charged with possesion with intent to sell and will not play today. If that was me, and I had any weed, let alone that much, I would be driving like a little old lady. And he probably wonders why he got pulled over.
Due to an increase in the cost of both beef and cheese,McDonalds, plans to soon raise prices. This will be the first price increase since late 2009, as they have offset the increases with their new McCafe and smoothie lines popularity. If that was me, and I was McDonalds, I would try renegotiating with those fat cows and if they don't lower their prices I would kill them, cook them, and eat them, with fries of course.
Myspace has admitted it shares user information with advertisers. The information includes user ID and last page viewed before clicking on an ad. Myspace doesn't feel this is a problem since users don't even have to use their real name. If that was me, I would look at that Myspace header every time I went on and remember it really is "Their" space.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
A whooping cough epidemic in California has claimed 10 infants so far this year. Most of the infants were hispanic and less than two months old when they contracted the disease. A total of 4,107 cases have been reported so far about 1 in every 100,000 people. If that was me, I just got another reason to leave California.
Country music group, Lady Antebellum, played a free concert at a Wisconsin gas station to relive their worst gig ever. In 2007 the group played before 15 people on the first day of deer hunting season at 5:30 AM as part of a radio promotion. This time more than 1,000 people showed up. If that was me, this would just be the morning I was late to work and needed gas.
A former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Hugh Shelton, claims in a new book that then President Clinton, lost the launch codes for the nukes for months. This all happened about the same time the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, which makes you think was he showing off to her with them. The general would like us to believe the nation's security was at risk during this time. If that was me, I would check with Hilary, what do you bet she had them and was just F'ing with Bill.
Posted by Racing Around Jersey at 5:17 PM
Tonight at approximately 11PM local time, as long as the sky is clear, is your best chance to catch the meteor shower. Experts say for the best chance to witness it you should lay on the ground for several minutes to allow your eyes to adjust to the darkness. The experts obviously don't live in my neighborhood. If that was me, and I laid on the ground for several minutes, not only would I be robbed of my wallet, but the homeless would take my shoes.
A plane crash in the Congo on August 25 was caused by a crocodile according to the lone survivor of the crash. The crocodile was smuggled on board the plane by a passenger in their luggage. When the crocodile escaped the crew and passengers rushed toward the front of the plane to escape the reptile, which caused the plane to become unstable and crash. The crocodile actually survived the crash but was killed by machete on the ground. If that was me, I would have saved that crocodile, and studied both it and the survivor to find their secret. Maybe when we fly our seats should be covered in crocodile skin.
Brett Favre's wife Deanna, spoke publicly for the first time since the allegations against her husband surfaced. She appeared on "Fox And Friends" to promote her new book "The Cure For The Chronic Life; Overcoming The Hopelessness That Holds You Back" and said she "is using her faith as a crutch" If that was me, I would be using that crutch on Brett. I think we all know what the next book will be about.
A 6.9 magnitude earthquake struck just off the coast of Mexico's Baja California early this morning. No damage was reported, however the same area was struck by three smaller quakes, over the last two days. If that was me, and I lived in that area I would seriously start thinking about relocating. What's so great about living near Mexican drug gangs, and in a place that it seems at any moment could slide off into the ocean, any way?
Eva Longoria was involved in a minor car accident last night around 7:30 PM. The accident was not her fault and she posted on Facebook that she is ok and just sore all over. If that was me, and I was driving the other car, I would of probably run into Joan Rivers and panicked when I saw the damage I had done to her face. Oh wait that was her plastic surgeon.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A day after turning 50, Jean-Claude Van Dam, had a heart attack. That must of been some party. He is fine now, and has returned to Belgium. If that was me, I would realize I can't kick my heart's ass and start taking care of myself.
Ironman 3 has an official release date of May 3 2013. Still no word on who the villian might be. If that was me, I would move up production just in case the world really is ending in 2012
A professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara, Gerardo Aldana, says the Mayan calendar, which many have used to predict the end of the world may not be correct. He claims it may be off by between 50 to 100 years. If that was me, and I was actually smart enough to figure this out, I would let everyone know now. How are we ever gonna plan this party?
When a 45 year old man and his mother got into an argument on Saturday morning in the house they share, his mom called the police. She then proceeded to tell police she thought her son had set up a meth lab in the basement. He was caught trying to flee out the basement window. If that was me, and I was 45 and still living with my mom, I wouldn't be allowed to do drugs, let alone make them.
A Filipino man was found dead inside the bathroom of a plane Wednesday. Suicide is suspected, as the man appeared restless during the flight and was found with a cord wrapped around his neck. What makes this really strange is this is the same bathroom on the same plane where a woman gave birth and abandoned the baby in the trash bin. The baby was rescued. If that was me, this plane would only fly on Halloween.
The magazine US Weekly is reporting in it's latest issue that Beyonce is pregnant. If it is true I wish her and Jay-Z all the best. If that was me, I would be getting ready for a big lifestyle change, and alot of diaper changes. Can't we all see Jay-Z changing diapers between writing rap songs.
Graco has issued a voluntary recall of over 2 million strollers after revealing babies can become trapped between the tray and seat possibly leading to strangulation. Currently four infant deaths may be linked to these strollers. If that was me, and I had one of these strollers it would be going back today. Nothing is more horrible than when it involves a baby. A free repair kit is offered byGraco.
U.S. sprint champion LaShawn Merrit has been banned from competing in the 2012 Olympics after testing positive for a substance he claims was in a male enhancement drug he was taking. I don't know why a sprinter would want his penis to be bigger. Wouldn't it just get in his way. If that was me, I would just stick with stuffing a sock down there, way more aerodynamic.
A small single engine plane, in Florida, struck a deer while taking off and circled above the airport for more than an hour before landing safely. The plane was only slighty damaged, however the deer was killed. Amazingly the airport is surrounded by 9 feet tall fences. You think the deer thought I jumped that fence maybe I can jump over that plane. If that was me I would remove all the copies of Rudolph from the forest, obviously some deer don't know it's fiction.
Kanye West recently relaced his lower teeth with gold and diamond implants. Maybe he thinks it will make the things he says at least look nicer. If that was me, I would of waited until someone knocked my teeth out first, which we all know is coming. Now it will just be a whole lot more expensive.
'Housewivies of Orange County' star Vicki Gunvalson has filed for divorce from her husband of 16 years. The couple had just renewed their vows last year. How often have we seen this. If that was me, and my wife asked my to renew our vows, I would know it's time to hire a good divorce lawyer.
Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee was arrested after police found him swimming in a canal at 5AM this morning. He reportedly tested at nearly twice the legal limit for alcohol and had trouble standing. If that was me, I would of told the police I was just getting my "kicks"
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The U.S. Postal Service is offering a reward of $50,000 to anyone who can provide information regarding a man who tried to hold up the Center City post office in Philadelphia on Saturday morning. If that was me, and I knew who did this, I would definitely turn him in. $50,000 buys alot of stamps, what am I thinking? With that kind of money I could buy a car and personally deliver my own mail.
A song on Taylor Swift's new album seems to take on a famous ex from her past. The song "Dear John" is thought to be meant for former boyfriend John Mayer. I hope she really isn't upset with not having this player in her life anymore. If that was me, and I was Taylor Swift, the song would be "Thank God John Didn't Give Me A Disease"
For the first time in the league's history the NBA has banned a sneaker. The shoe in question is the Athletic Propulsion Labs Concept 1, which claims to increase your vertical leap. The sneaker is pricey even by the standards we've become used to with a retail price of $300. If that was me, and I was back in high school, I would do anything I had to in order to get a pair. Maybe then I could almost touch the rim. Yes I fit the stereotype of white men can't jump, hell I trip over the foul line on my way up.
Google has a new product coming out, which provides seemless access to the Web, your TV, your DVR'S, and Android App's all through your HDTV. If that was me, I would put it on a TV in my bathroom, with a fridge nearby and you would never see me.
A singer-songwriter discovered on Youtube, Alisa Apps, has challenged Lady GaGa to a contest to determine who has the better vocals, with the winner receiving $1 million. If that was me, and I really wanted to challenge Lady GaGa, I would challenge her to walk around for a whole day in flats and an outfit from JC Penney. That might be the most difficult thing she could ever do.
Kayne West recently admitted he had contemplated suicide, but would never cosider it now. His reason, he feels a responsibility to pop culture and art. Really? That's what keeps him from suicide. How about family, and the fact he is a role model for today's youth. If that was me, and I was Kayne, I would start thinking before I spoke. And I wouldn't use "hot" topics to get my name in the news.
A complaint has been filed by the father of a 12 year old boy who was supposedly injured by Justin Bieber in a Canadian laser tag maze. A rumor has circulated that the 12 year old called Bieber a gay slur. If that was me, and my son really did use a gay slur, the last thing I would be doing is pressing charges. Maybe some sensitivity training, dad.
Around 5AM this morning someone fired up to five shots from a rifle at the Pentagon. Two shots were known to hit the building but did not penetrate. A search of the area didn't turn up any suspects. If that was me, and I worked at the Pentagon, I would be very concerned. If someone can hit it with a rifle and not be detected what's to say they can't hit it with something stronger. Let's hope we learn from this.
Mike Tyson is being sued by a paparrazzi photographer, who claims to have been assaulted by him in 2009. The confrontation reportedly happened at LAX and resulted in Mike Tyson being arrested. If that was me, I would be glad to escape with my life. I certainly wouldn't sue a man who supposedly has no money left, but could still kill me with one shot.
A dermatologist in N.Y., Dr. Scott Flugman, reports the combination of Corona beer and lime juice may cause brown spots on your skin if combined with exposure to sunlight. The spots, while not harmful, can last up to several months. If that was me, and I was Corona, I would market my beer as a safe tanning alternative. Can't you see it now people on the beach applying Corona and lime to their bodies, then drinking the rest. Sounds like a good time to me.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Rutgers defensive end Eric LeGrand was paralyzed below the neck following a tackle during the Rutgers/Army game Saturday. Emergency surgery was performed to stabilize his spine. Let's all pray for this young man to walk again. If that was me, and I was Rutgers, a school which has been very good at raising funds for it's football program, I would put all that effort into raising the funds needed to ensure every medical treatment possible is available to this young man. I am a Rutgers fan and I would gladly trade any future victories for the chance to see Eric walk back on that field.
Former NFL great Junior Seau, drove his Suv off a cliff shortly after being released by police custody on suspicion of domestic violence. The bizarre sequence started when police were called by his girlfriend who claimed he assaulted her during an argument at the home they shared. He was later arrested, then released, and a short while later drove off the cliff, receiving minor injuries. If that was me, and I was the girlfriend, I would consider myself lucky to be alive. I have seen the damage this man can do on a football field to say nothing of the fact he drove off a cliff and was barely hurt.
A woman, who reportedly was cooperating with authories in Milan, Italy regarding two supposed organized crime families was killed by the father of her child and other family members. She was reportedly tortured and then dissolved in acid. If that was me, I would never mess with the Mafia, hell I won't even complain when my pizza is burnt.
Rihanna is set to release what is supposed to be the sequel to "Love The Way You Lie" soon. The track will give the female point of view of domestic violence and will again feature Eminem. If that was me, I would not only donate all the proceeds of this track to domestic violence charities I would double it. When she says this topic "hits" home she means it.
An off-duty Baltimore detective was killed in an apparent dipute over a parking spot. The officer and the suspect reportedly exchanged words. The suspect then picked up a rock or piece of concrete and struck the officer in the head. If that was me, and I was the sentencing judge here, the punishment would be death by stoning at the hands of his coworkers and family. Even that's too good!
A 63 year old hiker was gored to death by a known trouble-making mountain goat in Washington. The goat, who was known to be aggressive, was located nearby with blood on it's horns and killed by park rangers. If that was me, and I liked to hike I would do it in the city. In the city the weirdos stand out, to me a goat is a goat.
Randy Quaid and his wife did not show up for a court appearance regarding a vandalism charge. If you don't know the original charge stemmed from squatting in the guest home of their former home. I originally joked how they were doing research for a new Chevy Chase movie. If that was me, and I was a true friend to these two, I would check into what's really going on. Chevy? This doesn't seem like a joke.
A day after watching a D.A.R.E program at his school an 11 year old boy brought a marijuana cigarette to school and reported his parents, who were subsequently arrested. If that was me, and I was the other parents in that school I would be very nervous about show and tell.
A recall has been issued by a Tennessee vegetable company, Pictsweet, for glass fragments in some of their products. The frozen vegetables were mostly sold in Krogers and Walmart stores. If that was me, I would take extra, extra precaution with vegetables. The last thing I need is another reason for my son not to eat them.
Friday, October 15, 2010
A Pittsburgh teen who had just passed his driver's test, then proceeded to drive through the front of the DMV when he was returning the tester to the building. If that was me, I would not only take away the teen's license, but I would fire the tester.
A Florida man has been charged with growing marijuana in his front yard, clearly visible from the road. The man, reportedly had 17 plants some as high as 7 fett tall. If that was me, I would ask what took police so long to notice that the plants could reach 7 feet in height. Maybe the house was always covered in a strange fog.
A 27 year old woman who was visiting her pregnant sister in Haiti when the earthquake hit was shocked by a cell phone bill from T-Mobile for almost $35,000 for two months of service. Kerfye Pierre thought she was taking advantage of a plan T-Mobile had offered for free calls to and from Haiti. Her problem came with thinking text messages and data were also free, they weren't. T-Mobile has offered to reduce the bill to $5,000, still beyond her means as a federal government worker. If that was me, and I was Verizon or some other wireless company, I would step in and pay off her bill. I would then sign her up as a customer, anyone that texts as much as she does will pay that amount back in no time. Not to mention all the good press they would receive.
Ramapo College in NJ has banned energy drinks that contain both caffeine and alcohol. The drinks are believed to allow a person to drink, while not realizing how drunk they are getting, and are often referred to as "roofies in a can" I don't get today's kids, I used to drink to get the feeling of being drunk. If that was me, I would show these kids the movie "Animal House" and let them see what college drinking is supposed to be about.
GM has issued a recall on 300,000 Chevrolet Impalas manufactured in 2009 and 2010 over seat belt problems. If you have one of these cars check with your dealer, and if repairs are needed they will be performed free of charge. If that was me, I would be really careful on the trip back to the dealer. Last thing you need is to get into an accident when you are on the way to get your seat belt checked.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Approximately 175 women showed up in Manhattan at the Sheraton Hotel to see if they had what it takes to make it into Playboy Magazine. I wonder how many men showed up to try and witness the interviews and see the prospective Playmates. If that was me, and I owned a men's product company, this is one event I wouldn't missed.
On Wednesday at approximately 1:30PM a mysterious shiny object was seen floating above Manhattan's West Side. Numerous phone calls came in to both the police and the FAA, who claimed they didn't see anything on their radar. A twitter post soon followed linking the sighting to a book by a retired NORAD officer predicting UFO's buzzing major U.S. cities on Oct. 13th. If that was me, I would be most worried about the fact that something so visible to so many wasn't seen on radar. Even if it was balloons, I wouldn't want them flying into an airliner's engine while it's over Manhattan.
A South Florida man has settled out of court for $650,000 with the Cheetah Club near West Palm Beach for an eye injury he suffered during a lap dance. Seems a stripper named "Suki" punctured his eye socket and broke several other bones near his nose and eye resulting in permanent double vision. If that was me, I would of held out for more. Know how fast his money will go in the strip club now that he's seeing double.
A dinosaur fossil footprint has been found at a construction site in Clifton N.J. The name of the residential complex is the Four Seasons at Great Notch. If that was me, I would change the name. How about Dino Diggs? They could name the streets after dinosaurs. How cool would it be to live on Brontosaurus Blvd. Of course they could always make it for seniors and call it Fossil Town.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The members of the rock band Imperial Stars were arrested when they blocked four lanes of U.S. 101 near Sunset Blvd in Los Angeles with a large box van and started playing on top. They were charged with obstructing traffic. If that was me, I would get Paris Hilton's lawyer. If she can get off after having a gram of coke these guys should get the key to the city.
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi will make an appearance for charity to fulfill her community service obligation stemming from her arrest earlier this year in Seaside Heights. It is called The Donations Of Love Drive and it benefits a program to spay and nueter pets. The event will be held at the Seaside Heights Community Center on Sunday from 1PM TO 4PM. You can bring something for her to autograph for $10 or buy a picture for an additional $10, with all proceeds going to the charity. If that was me, I would bring the Situation, no one knows more about dogs than him, and maybe no one needs to be nuetered more than him.
A transgender woman, Lana Lawless, a former police woman who had sex change surgery five years ago has brought a suit against the LPGA for not allowing her to compete. The rules state you must be born a woman. If that was me, I would let her compete, after all she is 57 years old, and I don't think there are many men that age who could make the cut. Have a heart she can't really go back to being a cop with a name like Lawless can she?
A New York based photographer, Sally Davies, left a McDonalds Happy Meal in her kitchen for six months. When she took it out to photograph, the meal looked just like it had six months prior just rock hard. The meal hadn't even grown mold. This woman must not be human. If that was me, this experiment would of never happened, McDonalds fries don't last for a second around me.
The website Ancestry.com is reporting that Barack Obama and Sarah Palin are related. Their research indicates they are tenth cousins by way of explorer John Smith. They have also reported barack Obama is related to Rush Limbaugh, George W. Bush, and Warren Buffet. That John Smith really was some explorer, sounds like he got more action than Tiger Woods. If that was me, I would ask the website where they got their information from, sleazy motel sign in books? C'mon we've all been John Smith at one time or another.
Looking for a gift that is both fun and everyone can enjoy? Check out these Decade Box Gift Basket, which are actually boxes filled with candy of the decade of your choice. If that was me, I would get the 80's box, but I'm just that old .
A Missouri worker, who slipped off his harness, took approximately a mile long ride in a 27 inche pipe, before he was rescued by firefighters, who heard his cries for help. If that was me, I would definitely find a new line of work. Suddenly it makes the Chilean miners plight seem like a trip to Disney.
"Michael Jackson's Vision" a boxed set that includes four and a half hours of video is set for release on November 22. The box set includes a video for the song "One More Chance", which was filmed in 2003 but never released due to his pending charges of sexual molestation. If that was me, and I was Michael's family, I would spread out these releases, after all look at the fact we are still getting "new" stuff from Tupac long after his death. This money train shows no sign of stopping.
Wicked Pictures and Vivid Entertainment, two of the largest producers of porn films, have shut down production due to the report of a porn actor testing positive for HIV. The actor was a patient of the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation a clinic that caters to porn stars. The actor has not been identified, however all efforts are being made to contact those he had contact with. The Occupational Safety Health Association is looking into the matter also. A clinic that caters to porn stars, OSHA looking into it, who knew all this was involved in porn? If that was me, and I was really worried about getting a disease, I wouldn't be doing porn. Sort of seems like russian roulette with a different kind of gun.
Posted by Racing Around Jersey at 8:24 AM
I recently stumbled upon a website that I think every woman will love. The site is Go Try It On.com and it allows you to upload a picture of yourself in an outfit and get an honest real time opinion from other users of the site. It also contains links to deals on all kinds of clothes and shoes. If that was me, I would check it out.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Your cell phone can have 500 times more germs on it than your toilet seat. If that was me, and I was an inventor, I would start working on the toilet phone now. Afterall, most of what I use it for is crap anyway.
Reportedly Christina Aguilera and her husband of five years, have separated. First David and Courtney, now this. You think it's possible Christina heard David was available and didn't want to miss out? Me neither, sorry David you don't get to hit the jackpot twice in your life. If that was me, I would be getting a good divorce attorney, maybe some money will ease their pain, seems to work for alot of women! Just kidding ladies.
The head of the lead investigator of the case involving a missing jet skier has been delivered to Mexican authorities. A woman reported last week that her husband had been shot in the head and she was fired at while they were on jet skis on a lake that touches the borders of Texas and Mexico. Pirates on the ocean, Mexican gangs on lakes, what happened to the good old days when all you had to worry about was sharks. If that was me, I would stick to vacations at the amusement parks. Let's hope Mickey doesn't have an agenda, we know he has a gang.
Amazon has a glow in the dark Ouija board on sale, just in time for Halloween. If a Ouija board isn't scary enough, but glow in the dark. If that was me, I would invite the biggest scary cats I know and play this. You will be talking about it for years to come.
Gavin Rossdale has apparently admitted to once having an affair with a cross-dresser. If that was me, and I was married to Gwen Stefani, I wouldn't care what anyone thought about me. Enjoy your wife and kids Gavin.
Kim Kardashian will appear nude on the cover of W magazine November issue. If that was me, and I was a magazine no one ever heard of, I would do more of this. I can honestly say I have never seen this magazine before, and probably won't again unless they put someone else nude on the cover.
I'm sitting in a Starbucks near a bunch of older women knitting, and the subject of Joan Rivers' show, where she talks about what celebrities are wearing came up. One woman asked the other "Do you learn anything watching the show?" "Yeah, stay away from Joan Rivers". If that was me, I would listen to our elders more they are a wealth of entertainment.
The man who streaked in front of President Obama, was doing so to win a prize of $1 million dollars offered by a website. The prize was offered by a billionaire who owns the gaming site. According to the rules, he had to have the site written on his body, get within ten feet of Obama, and shout out the site's name six times. The organizer's of the contest are checking to see if he fulfilled all the requirements. If that was me, and I was a billionaire, I would give the guy the money. He's an unemployed computer programmer, who wants to help his sick sister. Hell I'd give him a job too!
A caretaker, while digging down about a foot, found a bag of C-4 explosives, then left it near a fence where it was found by a volunter on Monday. The volunteer alerted police who removed it from the graveyard. There was no detonator, so it did not pose an immediate threat. If that was me, I would really look into this. How horrible would it be if terrorists were to blow up a graveyard. Imagine, someone found this, and let it sit there for a year. Just makes you think what else could be out there.
Ron Artest of the Los Angeles Lakers has reportedly given up alcohol and weed to concentrate on his upcoming basketball season. He claimed in a story last year that he would drink Hennessy in his locker at halftime during his years with the Bulls. The man has had a very productive career. If that was me, I would wait til my career was over before I stopped, why mess with what worked. I just wonder how many bad games until he's back at the liquor store. Here's to you Ron, drink up.
Monday, October 11, 2010
It is being reported that Courtney Cox and David Arquette have split up after 11 years. Really? Notice it is being said they split, not ended their relationship. Any link to the fact they have a new movie coming out together Scream 4. If that was me, I would just make better movies rather than rely on publicity stunts to get our attention.
Every once and a while I like to check the FDA website for recalls. I wrote an article on recalls for Associated Content and was amazed how many things are recalled we never hear about. Today I saw some humorous ones. A dog food recalled for excessive amounts of Vitamin D. A hazelnut bread recalled for undeclared nut content, huh, it's hazelnut bread. An undeclared allergen in Lobster Poo. If that was me I would just stay away from anything called poo!
I found this on the Amazon deals page. It is normally $94, and the holidays are coming fast. If that was me, I would pick this up, if not for a present, then how about just a nice surprise that could maybe get you some. Good luck!
Brett Favre plays the New York Jets tonight on Monday Night Football, days after photos supposedly showing his penis were "leaked" to the world. While it was a "short" story, I'm sure he'll be hearing it tonite from the Jets. Hey little willie, are you gonna go short? Oh that's right you can't go long! Third and an inch, just like you Tiny, I mean Brett. If that was me, well that would never be me, sorry "little guy"
Researchers think they may have found a way to diagnose Alzheimers before a person actually shows symptoms. They could then treat the disease and maybe head it off before it becomes severe. While I am sure this disease is horrible for the family members of the victims, this is the one part of old age I actually looked forward to. How great it would be to not remember my problems, it's like drinking, doing something embarassing and not remembering it, only without the hangover. If that was me, I would try to find the cure for cancer, after all what's more important? What you remember or what your remembered for.
Esquire Magazine has named Minka Kelly the sexiest woman alive for 2010. What happened while I slept? Did someone kill all the hot women? No offense Minka, but I have hotter at home, and no guys I won't post her pictures, you'll just have to trust me. If that was me, and I was Minka I would frame that issue, cause I guarantee that will never happen again.
Drew Brees, the quarterback of the New Orleans Saints, is asking his followers on Twitter for suggestions on his soon to be here baby boy. He wants an uncommon name beginning with the letter "B'. If that was me, I would just name him Badass Brees. How cool would that be? This is my son Badass. Let's just hope he doesn't turn out to be 5'3"!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Type in Justin Bieber, just about anywhere on the internet and you'll be amazed how many things come up. But books? This kid has more books available than he is old. If that was me, I would make that my life long goal, to have more books than I am old.
A 59 year old retired firefighter has been ordered by a judge to stay away from Madonna's NY home. Finally a nutty stalker had a valid excuse to be near a star and he didn't use it. If that was me, I would say I thought she was so hot, she might just burst into flames and I wanted to be near by.
Erwin Arnada, the former editor-in-chief of Playboy Indonesia, began serving a two year sentence today for violating the indecency laws of that country. The magazine was tame by our standards, as the models were dressed in lingerie with only a hint of an exposed breast. Hard to imagine living in a country like that, we probably see more skin at our local mall. If that was me, I would bring plenty of copies of the magazine with me to jail. He could be really popular!
Three time NBA all-star Steve Francis was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport on a charge of public drunkenness after he was reported to be unable to care for himself and combative towards staff.. If that was me, and I was the Knicks, I would sign him right now. Maybe he would at least get them some headlines beside Knicks lose, again.
While supplies last you can get a free can of Pepsico's new all natural soda Sierra Mist at Walmart today. The company is trying to benefit from the recent trend towards a healthier diet by replacing the high-fructose corn syrup with the all natural SUGAR. Is sugar really any better? If that was me, I would realize people who drink soda care about taste, not whether it's healthy.
The rescue drill has finally broken through to the Chilean miners who have been trapped underground for 66 days. They should be rescued within the next few days. What a miracle. If that was me, I would want to be interviewded on Oprah, so when she asked me "what were you doing down there?" I could say "just Chilean"
The two co-founders of Facebook, Sean Parker and Dustin Moskovitz, have donated a combined $170,000 to Proposition 19 a measure looking to legalize marijuana in California. If that was me, and I had all their money, I would try to legalize everything I enjoyed. Pot, prostitutes,prostitutes smoking pot. If that didn't work I would just move to the Netherlands.
The 16 year old who plays Charlie Sheen's nephew on the CBS sitcom Two And A Half Men, Angus T. Jones, has just signed a contract to make him the highest paid child TV star. Under his new contract he is to be paid $500,000 per episode, which means over the next two years he'll make a minimum of 7.8 million dollars. If that was me, I would remind myself of what happened to all the child stars before me. I would also buy my condoms wholesale, you know how much action this kid is gonna get.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Nickelodeon has fired the 14 year old girl who is the voice of Dora on their popular chilren's cartoon series. The girl has countered with a lawsuit claiming she is owed millions for extra recording sessions and promotional work. She also wants part of the $11 billion dollars generated through merchandise sales. She reports she was paid $5,115 an episode and $40 an appearance when promoting the show. The network says her contract was negotiated for her when it was signed and her voice has changed as she aged. I don't blame her for wanting to get more, but c'mon $5,000 an episode for voice work. If that was me, I would gladly take that money, and move on to be the voice of something else with a better contract. Seems to me that work pays pretty well.
The sports blog Deadspin posted audio of messages sent by Brett Favre to a female reporter on the Jets, asking her to meet him in his hotel room. They also posted images believed to be his penis, which he reportedly texted to the woman. Brett Favre is a married father of three, and a grandfather. If that was me, I would keep it in my pants, especially if I was only carrying that and he's a grandfather. Is anything more creepy than a grandfather sending a picture of his junk to a young woman? Hey Brett keep the Wranglers on!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
A Seattle Washington man, James Burns, started a website for the purpose of raising $10 million dollars to use to convince the band Weezer to quit performing and making albums. He managed to raise $194. If that was me, I would of chosen to silence The Backstreet Boys, until they realized they aren't boys any more, and their teen idol days are long gone. Any way I thought Mr. Burns was rich from that power plant.
A 45 year old Tennessee man, angry over two teens refusal to pull up their sagging pants pulled out a gun and fired at them. One teen was struck in the buttocks, but his injury wasn't considered serious. If that was me, I would make sure my pants were pulled up real high where he's going. Prison.
Farmers in Taiwan are reportedly using scarecrows with the likeness of Michael Jackson to protect their crops. If that was me, I would be worried about it scaring the farm workers. What's next they play some Yoko Ono recordings?
Customers on social networking sites have reported purchases of hundreds, and even thousands of dollars of items showing up on their accounts. While it's not clear exactly how the thieves are accessing the accounts or what they are doing with all the songs they purchase, it can cause some very real problems for users whose accounts are linked to their PayPal and then their bank accounts. If that was me, I would check my account right now !
The wife of former MLB star Roberto Alomar claims in a suit filed in Florida that he knowingly had unprotected sex with her while being HIV positive. A former girlfriend had sued him previously, and the case was settled out of court. If that was me, and I even suspected I had a disease I would wear protection. Hell, if that was me, and I was a rich baseball star I would always wear protection so I didn't end up on Maury. You are the father!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay just pitched only the second no hitter in post season history. Even if your not a Phillies fan you had to cheer for this guy in the ninth. If that was me, I would buy a nice house near Philly and never leave. He will be a hero there for the rest of his life.
Jessica Simpson tweeted on Wednesday about a link on how to fart less, and then said it made her day. The link reported the average person farts 14 times a day. and offered a way to fart less. No wonder Nick left her, bad enough what was coming out of her mouth. If that was me, and I was her, I would see a doctor or have a baby, at least then she would have someone to blame.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Cheerleaders at a Connecticut high school last week went before their school board in uniform to request less skimpy outfits. The girls at Bridgeport Central showed the board their tight shorts and tops that don't cover their midriff when they raise their arms. Good for them, if that was me I would want to wear something that told everyone I was a cheerleader, not just another ho in training.
A study featured in an article on MSN titled "What Your Hunger Is Telling You" tells us that chocolate makes us feel happy. They actually go into some discussion about B vitamins, but we know it's the taste. If that was me, I would spend time on figuring out things like why do people actually like Lady Gaga.
Gene Cranick and his family lost all their possesions, three dogs, and a cat when the house they lived in burned down. The owner feels the pets and some of their belongings could of been saved in the fire department would have responded. When he called 911 he was told he had not paid a $75 fee required by the South Fulton fire department, since his home was outside city limits. Are you kidding me, what if a person was trapped inside? If that was me, I would sue,sue,sue! Nothing will bring back those pets, but this policy has to be changed before someone loses a child.
Monday, October 4, 2010
According to a recent Zagat poll the best fast food restaurant is Subway followed by McDonalds. The results don't surprise me. What does is they surveyed people who ate an average of 6.1 meals a month at fast food places. These people are still alive? If that was me, I would get to a doctor now. Time to clean out the colon.
Paris just tweeted, how she left some great book store, and she loves to read. Looking at pictures in magazines isn't reading dear. If that was me, I would be honest in my tweets. Something like, just scored some great coke, wanna stay skinny like the girl in this magazine I'm READING!
American tennis pro Robby Ginepri's career will have to go on hold after he sustained an injury caused by a squirrel. Poor guy was out riding his bike and fell when he swerved to avoid a squirrel. He suffered a broken left elbow. If that was me, my therapy would be squirrel hunting, don't worry I would donate the meat, to Lady Gaga.
The NFL has fined Tennessee Titan coach Chuck Cecil $40,000 for giving the finger to an official during his team's game on Sunday. Paris Hilton was only fined $2000 for her possesion of cocaine in Las Vegas. If that was me, I would try to get a job coaching in Vegas, he could give the finger about twice a game at that rate. Maybe that's why there is no team in Vegas, too bad.
A Federal judge in Georgia has been arrested on firearms and drug related charges after a stripper turned FBI informant told authorities he used marijuana, cocaine, and other illegal drugs with her. If that was me, I would say I was doing research for my job. Who knows maybe he can deduct it on his taxes.
A wooden door with the image of Jesus is set to go up for bid today on Ebay. If that was me, I would start looking for doors with impressions of Lady Gaga, she's much more popular now a days, for some reason.
Verizon Wireless is set to issue refunds for up to 15 million users. The refunds stem from a charge for data for customers who didn't have data usage plans, and will be between $2 and $6 dollars. I don't know about you but that wouldn't even make a dent in my monthly bill. If that was me, and I was Verizon, I would try to get permission from each user to donate the money in one lump sum to charity, approximately 90 million dollars. It is breast cancer awareness month.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
An article posted on MSN.com today offers tips for hotness from Victoria Secret models. Really? We know they are hot, and no tips they could offer can make most women as beautiful as they were born. If that was me, I would work on my education. I would definitely read an article titled Victoria Secret model cures breast cancer.
Lebron James is now playing the race card, like somehow his being black should excuse him from just being a jerk. If that was me, and I was Lebron, I would wake up every day and thank God for the talent that has made him a priviledged individual in this society. I'm 5'9" short should I cry discrimination cause I'm not able to play in the NBA. I love basketball. Your life is as good as you make it with what you have been given. Remember that Lebron, every day is like Christmas to you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Florida strip club, Rachels, is giving free flu shots. Considering all the things I can get from a stripper, this actually might keep me out of the doctor's office. If that was me, I'd expand this program, maybe free Viagra with every lap dance?
According to a report by TMZ, Playboy magazine has offered Mexican reporter Ines Sainz a huge payday and the cover of the magazine to pose nude. Her employer TV Azteca, prohibits nudity. If that was me, I would do it. Not just for the money but the doors it will open, at least the ones to the Playboy Mansion.