Search This Blog or The Net

Friday, December 17, 2010

Five Guys Has Great Burgers And Fries

I recently had the opportunity to eat at Five Guys. Wow! What a great burger, check out my review at    Five Guys Burgers

Michael Vick Great Role Model?

I just published an article on Yahoo, regarding Michael Vick and his chance at actually becoming a great role model. Check it out at    Michael Vick Great Football Player, Better Role Model

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Meterologist Faces Charges

A meteorologist on WABC-TV, Heidi Jones, is facing charges of filing a false report in New York. She claimed she was acosted twice by the same man while jogging in Central Park. If that was me, I would get her a job with the gossip papers. Seems she's good at making up stories.

Casino Robbed By Motorcyclist

The Bellagio Casino in Las Vegas was robbed of at least $1.5 million on Tuesday. The robber entered the casino wearing a helmet and jump suit and proceeded to pull a gun at a craps table. He escaped with the chips by fleeing on a motorcycle. Where was security? When I just turned 21 they would barely let me in, but a man wearing a motorcycle helmet gets by? If that was me, I would take a hard look at those security gaurds.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Why Not Buy Gift Cards For Yourself?

This article   Gift cards aren't just for giving brings up some great points about using gift cards to save yourself some money. If that was me, I would be giving all those gift cards to myself.

A Different Christmas List: Most Recent Toy Recalls

The one list you should be checking twice this time of year is here   Most recent toy recalls. If that was me, I would make sure my child didn't receive any of these.

Funny Christmas Tree Story

Check out this funny Christmas story   The Christmas tree almost got away. If that was me, I would think twice about buying a live tree.

Is Facebook Keeping You From Getting A Job?

Believe it or not, more and more employers are checking out your Facebook page. If that was me, I would check out this article  Facebook can keep you from getting a job   and see if there is anything you should remove from yours if your looking for a job.

Don't Get Bed Bugs For Christmas

There are several steps to prevent yourself from getting bed bugs. The one present no one wants this or any time of year. If that was me, I would check out this article    How to prevent bed bugs

Friday, December 3, 2010

Brainscan May Detect Autism

Researchers at McClean Hospital in Boston and the University of Utah have been able to detect high functioning autism with a 94% success rate through the use of MRI brain scans. It is hoped the detection improvement will lead to one day finding a cure or treatment. If that was me, I would check out ways to help at Autism

Onesies For Adults To Compete With Snuggies

A company, appropriately called Forever Lazy, is marketing a product it hopes will compete with the Snuggie Fleece Blanket, Pink. The adult size, footless, onesie comes complete with hood and is the product of two wisconsin men who live in one of their parents basement. They have sold 10,000 so far compared to the 20 million Snuggies. If that was me, I would think they could sell that many in Wisconsin alone.  

Insulting Your Customers Pays With Google

An online retailer, Decormyeyes.com, used a rather unusual strategy to drive sales. Customers with complaints were insulted as a way of driving them to post their complaints on the internet. Seems every time the company's site was mentioned, good or bad, it drove up it's ranking on Google. This in turn sent more customers their way. When Google found out about the company's policies it quickly changed the formula for ranking to prevent this from happening in the future. If that was me, and I was Google, I would just completely remove this company completely.

Two Deaths In A Week At Disney Town

A town built by Disney, Celebration, Florida, as a walkable,family-friendly town has been hit by it's second death in less than a week. The owner of a failed security business, who was facing the foreclosure of his home, killed himself after a standoff with police. This just days after the town's first ever homocide. The town was built in 1996 and has 11,000 residents who are considered to be well-off financially. If that was me, I would fire that "Mickey Mouse" police department.

To The Woman Who Changed Me, Thank You

I was the last of the confirmed bachelors. Women, money, I had it all, or so I thought. Read the story of the woman who changed my life for the better. If that was me, I wouldn't let her go. I just hope she keeps me!       My Two Lives And The Woman Who Changed Me

Cute Baby Even Cuter Story Involving Large Breasts

Check out this story about my young son becoming very parrot-like at a very inappropriate moment. It involves large breasts and me having to learn to keep my mouth shut. If that was me I would check it out , it also has a picture of my cute little trouble maker.     The Day My Two Year Old Became A Parrot

Derek Jeter No Longer A Yankee?

Who would of ever thought the Yankees and Derek Jeter would be in a contract dispute? In my latest article I go into it more in depth. If that was me I would check it out at     Yankees Daring Jeter To Play Elsewhere

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Webcam With Night Vision

Check out this webcam with night vision. If that was me, I would keep this on at night to see who was doing what near my computer. Might be interesting.

Woman Gets Naked On Flight

A woman described as "emotionally disturbed" disrobed on a flight from Chicago to New York on Saturday night. She was wrapped in blankets and held by flight attendants until the plane landed. If that was me, I would've just been glad I could see she didn't have a bomb, or could she?

Life Discovered on Saturn?

NASA has scheduled a news conference for 2PM on Thursday, where it is believed by many they will announce the discovery of life on Saturn. If that was me, and I was Amazon, I would be very excited. I think that is the only place that doesn't buy from them yet.

Amtrak To Allow Guns

Beginning December 15, Amtrak will begin allowing guns on their trains. This will only be allowed on trains with checked baggage, and the guns must be packed in a hardsided container and unloaded. The railway also requires notice 24 hours in advance. If that was me, I would love to hear that first phone call. "Yes, this is Kayne West, just wanted to let you know I will be bringing my pieces." " By the way is Taylor Swift on my train?" 

Two Year Old Killed By Grandmother At Mall

A two year old was killed when thrown from a parking garage walkway by her grandmother. The child and family were leaving a Virginia mall at about 7PM on Monday when 50 year old Carmela Dela Rosa committed this horrific act. If that was me, I would hang this woman upside down where she did this for hours, before I finally dropped her. Even that is too good for her.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Winner of Hell's Kitchen Denied Prize

The winner of last years Hell's Kitchen, Holli Ugalde, was supposed to become the head chef of the Savoy Grill in London. She, however, was denied the needed work visa. If that was me, and I was on the border patrol in the U.S., I would get some help from the people in London. She can't go there to be a chef, but an illegal from Mexico can be my busboy.

Jesse James Worse Truck Racer Than Husband

Jesse James, former husband of Sandra Bullock, crashed only 160 miles into the 1,061 mile SCORE Baja 1000. He may have found something he actually does worse than being a husband. If that was me, and I was Jesse, I would stick with breaking hearts over breaking bones. Especially if they are my own..

Golf Worker Killed By Tee Shot

A maintenance worker, pulling weeds on a Florida golf course, has died after being struck in the head by a tee shot. I'm amazed something like this hasn't happened before. If that was me, everyone on a golf course would be required to wear a helmet. And all women would have to wear chastity belts, just in case Tiger showed up to "practice".

Jobless Flight Attendants Pose For Bikini Calendar

Ten out of work flight attendants, from the bankrupt Mexican airline Mexicana, have put together a calendar in hopes of raising some money for themselves. The calendar features the girls in bikinis or partial uniforms and was paid for out of their own savings, about $8,000. The first run of 1,000, priced at $12 each, has already sold out and a new batch of 3,000 has been ordered. If that was me, and I had to depend on a calendar to support myself, it would have to be printed in braile. Only the blind would buy it.

9 Million Bottles of Tylenol Recalled

Johnson & Johnson has recalled 9 million bottles of Tylenol that don't contain a warning about the trace amount of alcohol used in the product flavorings. The warnings were on the back of the bottles of three types of Tylenol Cold Multi-Symptom liquids. I never knew there was any alcohol in Tylenol. If that was me, and I was younger, I probably would of tried getting drunk on cold treatments. That's just me, though.

Breast Implants To Be Repossessed

A German woman who had her breast implants paid for by a now ex-boyfriend, has been threatened with repossession after she has failed to repay the loan. As a condition of the loan the woman was required to stay with the man for at least a year after the surgery. She broke up with him a short time later. If that was me, and I was the ex, I would get this case heard by Judge Judy. Can't you just picture her saying "Bird take those breast implants out and hand them over to him, case closed."

Three Teens Rescued After 50 Days At Sea

Three teens thought to be lost out at sea were rescued Wednesday by a fishing trawler that just happened upon their boat. The boys had set out in their twelve foot long aluminum boat from Fiji and became stranded when their engine failed. They survived on the rain water they collected along with some coconuts, raw fish, and a seagull that landed on the boat. If that was me, the only way I would've survived was if some Pepsi bottles and a pizza flew into the boat.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Rare Tornadoes Strike

Two tornadoes struck late Monday night in southern Wisconsin causing damage to buildings but no injuries. The tornadoes are considered rare as there have only been three others reported in this area during this time of year ever. The last being in 1971. If that was me, I would upgrade from the trailer to a house with a storm cellar.

Dad Shot Outside Daycare Was Professional Hit

Police are saying the dad shot outside a daycare was a professional hit. The man was killed shortly after dropping off his two year old. A man fled the scene in a silver minivan with no license plates. He was described as a well liked man who owned a daycare company and formerly worked at JP Morgan. If that was me, I would bet this has something to do with his previous job. Daycare owners don't lose a person's investments.

School Evacuated For Bank Robber

The Parkview Elementary school in Gloucester County was evacuated around 1 PM on Tuesday by police searching for a bank robber. A man who fit the suspects description was seen trying to enter the school through an unlocked door. Approximately four hours later the school was found to be safe. If that was me, and I was a bank robber, the last place I would try to hide would be an elementary school. Unless I was a midget.

Turkey With Tan Lines

If that was me, I wouldn't eat this I would cast it on the next season of Jersey Shore.

Akon May Burn Michael Jackson Tapes

Akon is saying he has a large stash of unfinished recordings of him with Michael Jackson that he may burn. He says he knows Michael would not want them released as they are, and he doesn't want to be tempted in the future. If that was me, I would cherish anything I had from Michael. The world lost this great artist way too early.

400 Tires Slashed

400 car tires were slashed in a Delray Beach, Florida gated community overnight Tuesday. Many cars had two tires slashed. If that was me, I would have two questions. How does this happen in a gated community? And, where is the nearest Pep Boys ?

Woman Trapped In Bathroom For 3 Weeks

A 69 year old woman was trapped in her bathroom, when the door lock broke, for 3 weeks. The French woman was rescued by firefighters only after neighbors had noticed her mail had not been picked up for some time. She survived by drinking the water from the tap. The bathroom had no windows and she tried banging on the pipes, however neighbors thought it was a worker and actually filed complaints over the noise. If that was me, where I live, the tap water would of killed me. Looks like it's time for a mini fridge in the bathroom.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Two Year Old Becomes A Parrot

My two year old became a parrot at the worst of times. If that was me I would check out my story at   Parrot

Derek Jeter To The Mets?

 The one team that would benefit most by signing Derek Jeter is based in New York, but it isn't the Yankees. Click through to this interesting take    New York Met Derek Jeter

Pill May Help Prevent HIV

A new study has shown the Aids pill, Truvasa, may help prevent the spread of HIV, along with the use of condoms, and counseling. The pill taken with those precautions cut the risk by 44%, and when used faithfully showed a cut in risk of up to 73%. These results are for gay males, with further studies involving females still incomplete. The pills are expensive in the U.S., costing between $5,000 to $14,000 a year. In poorer countries the pill can be bought for as little as 39 cents in generic form. If that was me, and I was a gay male, I would seriously consider moving. At least until health insurance steps up.

Engagement Ring Dropped In Water

Travis Pittman thought it would be a great idea to propose to his girlfriend, Kim Hopper, on a dock at the edge of the Puget Sound. When he pulled out the half carat diamond engagement ring, however, he dropped it into the water. The good news is, his now fiancee' said yes. Several divers have come forward to look for the ring. If that was me, I wouldn't even think about getting married near the water. With his luck the bride will fall in next!

Paula Abdul Launches Website

Paula Abdul has launched a website, AuditionBooth.com, in which you can download a video of yourself to be seen by casting directors. Could Paula Abdul, eventually, be responsible for finding more talent than American Idol. If that was me, and I had any talent I would check this out. You never know who is looking at the internet at any given time.  

Domain Name Sells For $13 Million

A domain name has sold for a record $13 million. The company, Clover Holdings Ltd, bought the domain name SEX.com for the record price. Just goes to prove sex sells. If that was me, I would look into this. I thought selling sex was illegal.

Father Shot Outside Daycare

A 36 year old father was gunned down ouside his child's daycare. Russell Sneiderman was shot just minutes after dropping off his two year old in Georgia. No further details were available, but the details behind this is sure to be very interesting. If that was me, I would think they are probably looking at the mother of the child for some connection.

378 Die In Festival Stampede

The death toll from a stampede at a Cambodian festival has reached 378 and is expected to climb. The stampede happened after the Bon Om Took festival which marks the end of the rainy season and features boat races. The incident seems to be the result of a panic set off when several people fainted while waiting to cross a narrow bridge and people began piling on top of each other to cross. If that was me, I would of been fine, I never try to leave early.

Pope Ok's Condom Use

The Vatican has issued a statement saying the use of a condom is a lesser evil than infecting a sexual partner with HIV. This seems to all be part of a softening of stance by Pope Benedict XVI. If that was me, I would hope this signals a more realistic and understanding church. Forgiveness is great until it is too late to save a life.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Future Nascar Star To Race In NJ's Turkey Derby

Ryan Truex, younger brother of Sprint Cup driver Martin Truex jr., will be competeing in his home state of NJ on Thanksgiving weekend. For more details check out   Future Nascar Star To Race In NJ's Turkey Derby

What's Next For Justin Bieber?

Justin Bieber might be the most accomplished 16 year old in history. To see what's next click through to   Justin Bieber, What's Next?

Judge Judy Showcase For Idiots

Judge Judy truly is a different kind of judge show. Most show us people who are uneducated or just ignorant. I recently watched an episode that showed relatively intelligent people doing really stupid things. Check out my views of this show at   Judge Judy Shows Us The Idiots

Planning Thanksgiving Around Football

Thanksgiving is all about the food and the football. If you want a run down on the game times and the best time to put the turkey on the table click through to   Planning Thanksgiving Around Football

Funny Christmas Story

I just published a funny Christmas story about a pair of young couples and their first tree. Check it out at   The Christmas Tree Almost Got Away

Will Jeter, Rivera, and Posada Hurt Yankees?

The New York Yankees, long known for signing the best players available, are in a bit of a corner this year. It has pretty much been taken for granted that Jeter, Rivera, and Posada will be with the team next year. But would they be sought after by the Yankees if they were players from other teams. If that was me, I would read more on this at Yankee Veterans

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Free Tacos

Today, Tuesday Nov. 16 is free taco day at Jack In The Box. You can just show up and get a free taco, no other purchase is necessary. If that was me, and I had a Jack In The Box near me, I would be eating free tacos all day. And calling out sick from work tomorrow.

Eva Longoria Looking For Man With Initials T.P.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker have reportedly separated. The interesting rumor to come out of this is that Eva has Tony's initials tatooed in a very private place on her body. If that was me, and I was MTV, I would start planning the show now. Eva Finds A New T.P.

Homer Simpson's Butt Banned

What was once a common sight on the Simpsons, Homer's butt is no longer allowed on FOX. The network will not allow it to appear in any new episodes and will not rerun any episodes from the past with Homer's butt. If that was me, and I was FOX, I wouldn't run any more episodes of American Idol. I find that show much more offensive than Homer's cartoon butt.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Jessica Simpson And Nick Lachey Engaged

No, not to each other. Nick announced his engagement to Vanessa Minnillo just several days ago. Now Jessica has announced hers to Eric Johnson just six months after they started dating. He was also still legally married when they started dating. If that was me, and Vegas would take the action, I would bet everything I have that Nick is married much longer.

Justin Bieber Will Not Date Any Of His Fans

Justin Bieber recently told The Gaurdian, a British newspaper, that he will never date one of his fans, He wants someone who wants to be with him not his fame. If that was me I would never say never. Let's ask him that again when he's forty, bald, and overweight.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Teen Paralyzed After Ear Piercing

A 14 year old girl was paralyzed as a result of an ear infection from a piercing. It ia now one year later and the teen is just getting back to a normal life. It began with a numbness in her toes which eventually led to being completely paralyzed. She was the victim of Guillian-Barre syndrome which affects about 1 in 100,000 people worldwide. If that was me, I just got another reason not to get my junk pierced. Like I needed one.

Billy Ray Cyrus Flips Out On Radio Host

Billy Ray Cyrus flipped out Friday morning on a radio show host when asked about his impending divorce. He stormed out when the subject was brought up by host Woody Johnson. Woody Johnson? Where was he getting interviewed on a porn radio station? If that was me, and I was Billy Ray, I would hope to know better than to be interviewed by a dick. A double one at that.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Taylor Swift Breaks Record

Taylor Swift was named songwriter of the year Tuesday at the BMI awards. Becoming the youngest person ever to win the award at 20 years old. She also won country song of the year with song co-writer Liz Rose, for the song "You Belong To Me". This marks the third year in a row Liz Rose has won this award. If that was me, I would have Liz Rose help me write all my songs. She sounds like the true talent here.

Boxer Ordered To Stay Away From His Children

Boxer Floyd Mayweather jr has been ordered by a judge to stay away from his former girlfriend and their two sons. He reportedly threatened to hit them if they called 911 on him during an altercation. If that was me, and my dad was a pro boxer, he wouldn't have to say anything. One look and I would know.

Perfect Score On ACT And SAT

A Kansas high school senior, Charles Wolock, achieved a perfect score on both his ACT and SAT tests. If that was me, I would make a college pay me to go there. Then keep him around as a professor. Hell, maybe they should just make him a professor now!

Software To Prevent Drunk Facebooking

A software company,Webroot, has produced software that may stop you from posting on Facebook when you are drunk. The software is called "Social Media Sobriety Test". If that was me, I would develop software that didn't allow you to post anything stupid. Oh wait, I just killed Facebook.

iPod AND iPhone To Go 3-D

Hasbro Inc has announced they will produce a device which will clip to the iPod and iPhone to give them the 3-D experience. The device is called My3D, will be available in the spring and cost approximately $30. If that was me, I would try to develope anything that works with any device that start with i. Recipe for success.

Google Employees Get Raise And Bonus

Google has sent an email to all of it's 23,000 employees informing them of a $1,000 Christmas bonus in addition to their 10% raise. If that was me, I would try to get on the Christmas list of a Google employee. Better yet, can anyone get me a job with Google ?

Wendys Changes Its Fries

To continue their campaign of promoting a healthier brand of fast food Wendys is changing their fries. The new fries will be skin-on russet potato fries with sea salt. If that was me, and I ran a fast food chain like Wendys, I would just concentrate on taste. I don't think the first thing that comes to anyone's mind when they say fast food is healthy.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

"Twilight" Leads People Choice Award Nominations

"The Twilight Saga" has been nominated for a total of eight People's Choice Awards. Guess there will be alot of vampires out that night. If that was me, and I was a presenter, I would make sure to bring my garlic, wooden stake, and silver bullets.

Megan Fox Out As Wonder Woman?

Megan Fox, who was long rumored to be the choice to play Wonder Woman in a new movie, may be out of the running for the role. The original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, took exception to Megan Fox's depiction of the invisible plane and truth lasso, as "lame". The new favorite for the role is Tanit Phoenix. If that was me, and I was Megan Fox, I would keep my mouth shut. I don't see Hollywood knocking down her door with roles.

Pies Baked Inside Cakes

A new bakery in Philadelphia, Flying Monkey Bakery, has introduced The Pumpple. A dessert which combines a chocolate cake with a pumpkin pie baked inside, with a vanilla cake with an apple pie inside.The cake weighs in at 15 pounds and each slice is 1,800 calories. If that was me, I would rename this bakery, The Diabetic Disaster. I don't think anyone would be doing much flying after eating that.

Don't Boo Tiger

Fans on the sidelines for the Australian Masters will be warned to not heckle Tiger Woods. If anyone is caught, they will be warned first, then asked to leave. Tiger Woods is not only controversial because of his indiscretions with the ladies, but citzens of Australia have another beef. Seems half his appearance fee of $3 Million is being paid with taxpayer money. If that was me, I would have a problem with paying anyone an appearance fee who pays women an appearance fee.

Mysterious Misslie Off The Coast Of LA

Video has been taken by a news helicopter in the area of the LA coast of a missile. The missile was not part of any U.S. Military testing according to sources. In fact, it is felt the missile may have been launched by a commercial entity or amateurs. If that was me, I would feel more secure if our government actually knew where stray missiles were coming from. Wanna bet some kid on Facebook or Youtube knows more about this missile than President Obama.

Cruise Ship Stranded At Sea

The Carnival Cruise ship, The Splendor, is stranded at sea after an engine room fire. While toilets and cold water were restored overnight, the ship is still without air condition, hot water, hot food and telephones. The U.S. Navy has sent the USS Ronald Reagan and two tugboats are en route. It will take about 24 hours for the tugboats to bring the ship back to Mexico. If that was me, I would expect a free vacation for all my trouble. Just don't expect it to be on a cruise ship.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Breathalyzer Key Chain

Check out this key chain breathalyzer, if this really works it could be the best investment you ever make. If that was me, I would try it out, if I even ever wondered once if I was too drunk to drive.

5 Year Old Sells Drawings To Fund Chemo Treatments

5 year old Aidan Reed loves to draw pictures of monsters. On September 13 of this year he was diagnosed with a form of leukemia and while enduring chemo and the other treatments has cotinued to draw his monster pictures. His aunt decided to post the drawings on Etsy as prints for a cost of $12 a piece as a way to help raise money to pay for Aidan's treatments. To date she has sold 2,500 to raise $30,000 for the family, which was in danger of losing their home until this money was raised. If that was me, let's make this story as known as possible. Let's all buy some monster drawings, I can't think of a better reason to buy anything.

Another Egg Recall

Cal-Maine Farms inc. is recalling 288,000 eggs for possible salmonella contamination. The eggs were distributed in Arkansas, California, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, and Texas. They were sold under the name Ohio Fresh Eggs, so far no illnesses have been reported. If that was me, I would try to get these chickens to clean up their act. Maybe we should just get our eggs from Perdue, their chickens always look clean, happy, and disease free.  

Grandmother Tries To Sell Grandson

A grandmother in Florida was arrested after trying to sell her infant grandson for $75,000. She was arrested after handing the child over to undercover police. If that was me, I would sentence this woman to changing adult diapers in the jail.

Kayne West Performs On Plane

Kayne West took over the intercom system of the plane he was on and performed family friendly versions of "The Good Life" and "Golddigger". This happened on a flight from Minneapolis to New York on Friday. Some are saying it was his response to Taylor Swift recently giving a free performance in an airport. This guy seems just a little too obsessed with Taylor Swift. If that was me, and I was in charge of her security, I would really watch this guy.

NFL Star Cut

The Green Bay Packers have cut cornerback Al Harris, who was trying to come back from a serious knee injury suffered almost a year ago. Head coach Mike McCarthy feels the 36 year old player can still play in the NFL, just not for the Packers. If that was me, and I was Al Harris, I would keep working, cornerbacks go down in this league every week.

Wade Phillips Finally Fired

The Dallas Cowboys have finally fired head coach Wade Phillips. Offensive coordinator Jason Garrett will take over and has the ability to make the job permanent according to owner Jerry Jones. If that was me, and I was Jason Garrett, I would only wish this move would of happened while Tony Romo was still healthy. I wonder if Jason can still throw the ball, he can't be much worse than Jon Kitna.

UFO Sighted Over Virginia

A blue circular UFO was sighted over Virginia last Wednesday night. Witnesses described it as silent and moving back and forth. If that was me, I would move, with DC a target for terrorists nearby and now UFO's. California and it's earthquakes are starting to look safe.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Arrest Warrant For Michael Lohan

An arrest warrant has reportedly been issued in New York, for Michael Lohan. The warrant is for non-payment of child support. If that was me, and I was running around so concerned about Lindsay, I would take care of my own responsibilities first. No wonder Lindsay is so messed up, these may be the worst parents in the world.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Woman Marries Four Times For Money

Ok, so we have all heard about women marrying for money. But four times, without ever getting a divorce? Seems Sonia Estrada did just that, marrying four men in exchange for thousands of dollars, so they could all get their citzenship. She was only caught when she applied for another license in New York this July. She had three daughters by a man she didn't marry and tried to blame all her troubles on her dead twin. So let's see married 4 times, 3 kids out of wedlock, and blames her dead twin. If that was me, I would want to marry her too, NOT!

Woman Fined $1.5 Million For Illegal Downloads

A Minnesota mom has been fined $1.5 million for the illegal download and sharing of  24 songs from the illegal download site Kazaa in 2006. In her third trial a jury has awarded Capitol Records the money, which the company says it has no plans to try to recover. They are pleased with the penalty, hoping it will serve as a deterrent. If that was me, I would keep appealing, then maybe she won't have the time to download any more music.

Check Out The New Justin Bieber Dolls

The new Justin Bieber dolls are available for pre-order through Amazon. Click on the picture to see the different dolls available. If that was me, I would make them life size.

Former TV Host Wanted In Hit And Run

Former TV host Gary Collins is wanted for questioning regarding a hit and run accident in Mississippi. The accident injured a woman and small child, and wouldn't be his first brush with the law. He already has numerous DUI arrests on his record. If that was me, this man would of been in jail along time ago. What do we need to do with people like this, tattoo Don't give me any alcohol, on their foreheads?

World Series MVP Released

The MVP of the World Series, Edgar Renteria, has been released by the San Francisco Giants. The team decided to exercise a buyout in his contract for $500,000 rather than pay him $9 million for next year. This marks the second year in a row the World Series MVP has been released by his team. Last year the Yankees released Hideki Matsui shortly after the World Series. If that was me, and they wanted to hand me that trophy, I would politely pass it on to someone else.

Couple Gives Away $11 Million In Lottery Winnings

An elderly couple from rural Nova Scotia have given away all their $11 million lottery winnings to family, friends, and charity. The couple thought others could do more good with the money than they could. Why is it I only have friends that want money, not want to give me money. If that was me, I could do alot of good with that money, at least my fiance could. Good shopping and good eating mostly.

NASA Facility Under Lockdown

A NASA facility in Ohio is currently under lockdown after reports of suspicious activity involving a possible gunman. It has been reported there has been a possible shooting in building 77 of the facility, and local police are not involved. The location has more than 3,400 employees. If that was me, I would think with all we have gone through as a nation, it would be impossible by now to get a weapon inside a government run facility.

Taylor Lautner Officially Dating

Taylor Lautner has apparently come clean that he and Lily Collins have been dating for as long as 4 months. It's amazing how much hype a celebrity's relationship status gets. If that was me, and anyone cared who I dated, I would hold a big press conference and talk up my favorite charity, and make a donation mandatory to hear the news. At least I could help someone, and not look so bad when it didn't work out.

Cheese In 5 States Linked To E.coli

Cheese sold in 5 states at Costco Wholesale locations has been linked to a recent E.coli outbreak. The cheese, Bravo Farms Dutch Style Raw Milk Gouda Cheese, was sold and sampled in store, in Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, Nevada, and San Diego. So far 25 cases have been reported. If that was me, I would of never bought this product anyway, the name is too long. If I had to go to the hospital with stomach pain and the doctor asked me what I ate, I could just rattle off, burger, beer, fries. Hell I would probably be dead by the time I said Bravo Farms Dutch Style......

Plane crash kills 68

A plane crash in Cuba has claimed the lives of all 68 people on board. The plane crash was the worst in Cuba since 1989. Again if that was me, I would look into why it seems airplanes carrying freight never seem to crash. Do we value our things more than our people?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Domino's To Pay $31,000 An Hour

Domino's Pizza has announced they are going to pay one lucky person $31,000 an hour for one hour of work as a special promotion. The bad news is you have to be in Japan. If that was me, and I was Domino's, I would have a whole show featuring delivery drivers on an obstacle course to deliver pizzas. Don't just hand out money make them earn that tip!

Lions Kill Man While Showering

A tourist in Zimbabwe was attacked by five lions as he showered near his camp, and was killed. He was the last of his family to shower and they ran to him when they heard his screams, but it was too late. If that was me, I would learn even lions don't like it when you use the last of the hot water.

Happy Meals Banned In San Francisco

San Francisco has passed a measure which will effectively ban the sale of Happy Meals by McDonalds. The measure does not allow toys to be part of a childrens meals. If that was me, and I was McDonalds, I would start making edible toys, kids love to play with their food anyway.

Baby Panda Born

A baby panda has been born at an Atlanta zoo. It is the first to be born in a U.S. zoo this year. If that was me, I would make the panda the mascot for abstinence.

Lil Wayne Released From Jail

Rapper Lil Wayne was released from federal prison this morning after an 8 month stint. He was behind bars on weapons related charges, and had an album go to number one while in jail. If that was me, I would get to work on a new album right away, and then do something to get arrested again. I'm sure it won't be hard for him, and hell what's eight months compared to a number one album any way. Maybe he could call it " Raisin' Bail, I'm Going Back To Jail"

"Bachelorette" Contestant Found Dead

The father of "Bachelorette" contestant, Julien Hug, has confimed a body found along a Southern California Highway is that of his son. The 35 year old was a contestant on the show in May of 2009. Foul play has not been ruled out. If that was me, I would really check into the other contestants, the competitors are fierce and hungry for fame. Either way it's a tragedy when anyone that young dies.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Check Out New Justin Bieber Dolls

The new Justin Bieber Singing Doll - ?Baby? is available for preorder now. If that was me, I would make them life size but you can't have everything.

Facebook Phone Idea Dead

The long standing rumor of a phone from Facebook has been shot down by CEO Mark Zuckerberg. Facebook may however make a phone manufacturer or carrier part of their new "Deals" program which starts today. The "Deals" program already includes The Gap, McDonalds, Starbucks, and others. If that was me, and I was a phone company, I would get this deal done. Facebook just surpassed 200 million members.

Drug Runners To Build New Tunnel Under The Hudson

Border patrol agents have found a tunnel more than six football fields long connecting Mexico and Southern California. The tunnel is equipped with a rail system, lighting and ventilation. New Jersey and New York have been trying to build a new tunnel under the Hudson River for years at cost estimates in the billions and trillions of dollars. If that was me, and I found who did this, I wouldn't put them in prison I would hire them.

Shawne Merriman Has A New Team Too

Shawne Merriman has been claimed by the winless Buffalo Bills. I'm sure he's thrilled, they have no chance at the playoffs and he gets there just in time for all the snow. If that was me, I would just retire.

Alcohol Worse Than Heroin ?

A new British study has come to the conclusion that the overall effects alcohol has on your body is worse than those of heroin. Let me guess, the participants who drank complained of health problems, while those on heroin didn't, cause they were dead! If that was me, I would have another drink, and let the Britts do all the heroin they want.

Mariah Carey "Poked" By Someone Other Than Nick Cannon

Mariah Carey has denied rumors of invitro fertilization, but has admitted to the use of daily acupuncture treatments all over her body as a destressor. If that was me, I would bet whoever gave her the acupuncture treatments wife is pregnant too. 

Randy Moss Has A New Team Already

Randy Moss will be a member of his third team since the NFL season has started, After being waived by the Vikings, he was claimed by the Titans today. This man has all the talent to make him a hall of famer one day, instead the records he is breaking now are how many teams can get rid of him in one season. If that was me, I would shut my mouth and just catch the ball.

Baby Survives Seven Story Fall

An 18 month old baby, in France, survived a fall from a seventh floor window. The baby apparently bounced off an awning and landed in a man below's arms. If that was me, and that was my child, I would never let it out of my sight again, or I would be sure to continue living in buildings that have awnings.

Netflix To Crash The Internet

The overwhelming success Netflix is achieving could bring an unwanted result. The crash of the internet. Online video streaming from the company already uses 90% of Canada's and 20% of the U.S.'s peak hour bandwidth. If that was me, and I was Netflix, I would use Canada as my own personal experiment and make sure they have a solution before any crash in the U.S. was even remotely possible. As you can probably tell I live in the U.S.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The McRib Is Coming Back

McDonalds has announced the McRib sandwich will be back in all locations soon. If that was me I would hurry and get some, this sandwich just always seem to suddenly disappear from the menu. A McDonalds mystery for sure.

Ten Year Old Girl Gives Birth

A ten year old girl in Spain has given birth to a full term healthy baby The father of the baby is also believed to be under aged and authorities have not decided whether to let her keep it. If that was me, and I had a daughter, she wouldn't be allowed out until she was 25 and even then she wouldn't be going to Spain.

New Justin Bieber Book Available

The new Justin Bieber book Justin Bieber (Get the Scoop) is available through Amazon. Even if you don't intend to buy the book, you can at least look at his picture by clicking the link. If that was me, and I looked like him I would put my picture on everything.

Lebron James Denies Groupie Rumors

Lebron James has denied via his Twitter that he prefers the company of groupies to that of the mother of his children. Most people are amazed he would even pay any attention to the blog that reported it. If that was me, I would realize it's probably not Lebron reading the blog, but his baby mama. Shame is he probably caught some serious hell at home, even if it wasn't true.

Emma Watson Shocked She's A Millionaire

Emma Watson, one of the stars of the "Harry Potter" films, was reportedly shocked when told she was a millionaire. Fact is she is probably close to worth 32 million. If that was me, I would start keeping a better eye on my money. How many of these movie stars have been ripped off by parents, agents, accountants, or all of the above.

Pink Thinks Parents Should Spank Their Children More

Pink has spoken up on the subject of disciplining children. She is an advocate for spanking children when they misbehave. She says she was a notoriously bad child and her parents tough discipline probably saved her life. I was rarely spanked as a child, all my mom had to do was threaten to tell my father when he got home and that was enough. My dad was 6'3" and 230 pounds, that vision was enough for me. If that was me, and I was a child of Pink, I would think twice about misbehaving around her, she has some guns!

T.I. Back To Prison

Rapper T.I. returned to federal prison to serve an 11 month term as a result of his parole violation. He had served seven months for a weapons violation in 2009, and was arrested in September on drug charges, which violated his probation. He arrived at prison with a large entourage. If that was me, I would change the people I'm hanging out with. Any doubt they will be busy spending his money while he's in jail?

Demi Lovato Leaves Jonas Bros Tour For Rehab

Demi Lovato has left the Jonas Brothers tour to check herself into rehab. The 18 year old singer-actress is reportedly dealing with eating disorder and cutting herself issues. If that was me, and I was her parents, I would physically be there for her all the time. These are serious issues which can lead to even more serious problems like drug abuse and even suicide. Let's hope she gets the help and love she needs.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Rutgers Students Robbed, Rough Time For School Lately

Two Rutgers New Brunswick students were robbed early Saturday as they walked through the campus, by a group of between seven to ten men. The campus is already dealing with a football player who is paralyzed from the neck down, and the suicide of a student who was videotaped by his roommate. If that was me, and I went to Rutgers, I would hope the black cloud leaves soon.

XBOX 360 DJ Hero Renegade For $99

Xbox 360 DJ Hero Renegade Edition Featuring Jay-Z and Eminem for $99. If that was me, I would check this out. Ultimate party must have. 

Check Out This Hot UGG

This is just one of the many styles available. Click through, I didn't even know this many styles existed. 

Check Out Shaq Dressed As A Woman

If that was me, I would tell him he's beautiful, and get out of there as fast as I could.

How Many Texts Does Average Teen Send After Going To Bed?

According to research done by the JFK Medical Center in Edison NJ, the average teen texts 34 times after they go to bed for the night. This can add up to as much as 4 hours a night according to the researchers. If that was me, and I ran this study, I would check that data again. No way it takes the average teenager 4 hours to send 34 texts, more like 4 minutes.

Ex-NBA Legend Dies

Former NBA legend Maurice Lucas has died at age 58 after battling cancer. You might say who? And to that I will say "The only ones who really remember you when you pass are your family and closest friends. If that was me, and I was one of today's stars, I would value my family more than anything, Life after basketball isn't guaranteed.

4 Year Old Banned From NJ School For Long Hair

This four year old child was banned from his school because of his long hair, and the worst part is he was growing it for charity. Jack Szablewski lost his grandfather to cancer at  the age of 16 months, and his mother decided to grow her son's hair long to donate it to children with cancer to honor her father. The school, St. Dominic of Brick NJ, knew all about the child's hair and asked for it to be cut before the school year started. When a number of things interfered with it being cut, the school denied him admission. If that was me, I would compare this kid's picture to any teacher in that school and bet he is better groomed than half of them. This child and mother should be applauded for what they are doing not penalized.

Man Sues McDonalds For Weight Gain And Wins

A Brazilian court has awarded a former McDonalds franchise manager $17,500 in damages because he gained 65 pounds over the 12 years he worked there. He claimed the food sampling he did every day and the free lunches contributed to his weight gain. If that was me, and I was McDonalds, I would charge that guy with theft. Sixty five pounds sounds like a lot more than samples and free lunches to me.

Randy Moss Cut Again

Randy Moss has been released by the Minnesota Vikings, making it the second time this year he has been sent packing by a NFL team. He openly criticized his coach and staff for not following his advice on how to beat his former team. He also praised his former team. If that was me, and I was the NFL, I would watch this carefully. If he should resign with the Patriots, I would think this could all be a Bill Belichik plan. Traded to the Vikings days before they play the Jets, and waived the day after the Vikes play the Patriots. This is the same man that was secretly videotaping other teams. He could be an evil genius.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Baby Found In Storm Drain

A two month old orphaned infant was found alive in a storm drain in Indonesia after a Tsunami struck. As many as 400 are dead and another 300 missing. If that was me, I would name that baby Stormy Miracle. Let's hope we hear more good news.

Justin Bieber Music Video Debuts Saturday

Justin Bieber's newest music video "Never Say Never" will debut Saturday during the pregame of the World Series. Kelly Clarkson will sing the National Anthem. This is obviously an attempt by MLB and the network to increase their viewership among young people. If that was me, and I wanted more young people to watch, I would allow the players to text during the game, and broadcast the games in short videos on Youtube.

Toner Cartridge "Bomb" Found On UPS Plane

A toner cartridge that had been modified with wires and a white powder was discovered on a UPS plane at a British airport today. The package originated in Yemen, and while it was found to contain no explosives, it spurred a search of other UPS planes in both Philadelphia and Newark, NJ. This device could have been a test to the security systems being used by UPS. If that was me, the only thing making me feel as though terrorists will never blow up a UPS plane, is the sad fact the value of packages on one of their planes far outweighs the value of a plane filled with passengers. 

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Check Out These Ed Hardy's

This bag is just one of the many Ed Hardy products on special at Amazon. If that was me I would check them out.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Notre Dame Student Killed Filming Football Practice

A 21 year old Notre Dame student was killed today, when the video tower he was filming football practice from collapsed. Winds were reportedly gusting up to 51mph at the time. If that was me, running that practice, that kid would've never been up there. I love college football, but c'mon is it really that important to film practice when winds are that high.

New Monkey That Looks Like Michael Jackson ?

A new species of monkey has been identified by scientists, who are claiming a resemblance to Michael Jackson. You be the judge. If that was me, I would leave the man alone already, he's dead, but his kids are very much alive.

Picture Of Car That Sold For $4Million

This Aston Martin DB5 sold at auction in London today for $4.1 million. If it looks familiar, it should. This is the car driven by James Bond in "Goldfinger" and "Thunderball". If that was me, I wouldn't pay that much for a Bond girl, let alone a car. Some people just have too much money.

Sex Offender App

A new App is coming to the IPhone and Droid, which will allow you to track registered sex offenders in the area of your phone. For more info go to http://www.sexoffendertrackerapp.com/ or purchase it directly from the App Store. If that was me, and I had a wife or kids, this is an App I would have and use often.

Lady GaGa Beats Justin Bieber

Lady GaGa has beaten Justin Bieber to 1 billion views on Youtube with her "little monsters" video. If that was me, and I was Justin Bieber, I guess I would have to start wearing meat, or maybe dressing strange to get my views higher than her. On second thought, let her have the record.

Full Time School ?

The Indianapolis school board is scheduled to vote two days before Thanksgiving on a measure to bring year round school to the city. The students would go to school in 8 to 10 week cycles with 3 to 5 weeks off between cycles. The theory behind it is to keep material fresh in students minds and to keep teachers fresh. If that was me, I would of done this a long time ago. I can't tell you the shock when I got my first job and realized I only got two weeks off the whole year.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Woman Steals Husband's Lover's Cat

The wife of a British lawmaker appeared in court Thursday to answer charges she broke into the home of a woman her husband fathered a child with and stole her kitten. The kitten has not been found, and the woman's husband is leading the search party. If that was me, I would be staying away from other person's kittens. Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?

Check Out This Newly Discovered Frog Pic

This frog is just one of the more than 1,200 species discovered in the last 10 years in the Amazon. It is a poison dart frog that secretes toxins, which are being used to make painkillers. How cool would it be if you could keep this frog as a pet, and every time you got an ache you could rub your frog on it. If that was me, I would rather rub my head with a frog than a cat or dog.

A Call From The Grave, Woman Pushed Into Open Grave

A woman in the U.K. was pushed into an open grave during an argument with two cemetary workers. She was only rescued after placing a call via her mobile phone. If that was me, and I was at the bottom of that grave, there is no way I could convince any one I know I wasn't joking. I would probably still be there. How long before this is a Verizon commercial "Can you hear me now?"

Gene Simmons Hospitalized, Give Him A Drink

Gene Simmons was hospitalized after collapsing yesterday while awaitng his flight at Los Angeles International Airport, reportedly due to dehydration. If that was me, and I was Gene, I would definitely turn this into a drink endorsement right away. It's all about the dollar, Gene.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Worst Beer Is ?

The worst tasting beer in the world according to Ratebeer.com is Olde English 800. If that was me, I would change the colors of the can and add some chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better. Or keep the can and sell it as a cleaner.

Killer Celery

A Texas plant has been shut down amid suspicion it is to blame for chopped celery that may have killed up to 5 people. The celery was distributed to institutions by a compant called SanGar, which denies it is to blame. You think someone said who cares it's going to institutions, I hope not. If that was me, I would stop being so lazy people, buy your veggies, wash them and cut them yourselves. Every step you can control the safer you are.

Free Pancakes, Check Out Pic

On October 29 IHOP is offering free pancakes to anyone under 12 from 7AM to 10PM. If that was me, and I was Octomom or Jon and Kate, I would be there. Check out the pic.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Justin Bieber Not Allowed To Date?

According to reports Justin Bieber's mom has banned him from dating after witnessing a backseat make out session. The details are still coming out, who could the other party be? If that was me, and I was his mom, I would just keep him away from John Mayer. He's getting to that age and already has the long hair.

NFL Player Arrested For Possesion

Tampa Bay tight end Jerramy Stevens has been arrested after a traffic stop. He was pulled over at 7:05PM for loud music and was found to be in possesion of 38 grams of marijuana after the officer could smell it coming from the vechicle. He was charged with possesion with intent to sell and will not play today. If that was me, and I had any weed, let alone that much, I would be driving like a little old lady. And he probably wonders why he got pulled over.

McDonalds To Raise Prices

Due to an increase in the cost of both beef and cheese,McDonalds, plans to soon raise prices. This will be the first price increase since late 2009, as they have offset the increases with their new McCafe and smoothie lines popularity. If that was me, and I was McDonalds, I would try renegotiating with those fat cows and if they don't lower their prices I would kill them, cook them, and eat them, with fries of course.

Myspace Sharing Our Info With Advertisers

Myspace has admitted it shares user information with advertisers. The information includes user ID and last page viewed before clicking on an ad. Myspace doesn't feel this is a problem since users don't even have to use their real name. If that was me, I would look at that Myspace header every time I went on and remember it really is "Their" space.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Whooping Cough Has Claimed 10 Infants In Calif.

A whooping cough epidemic in California has claimed 10 infants so far this year. Most of the infants were hispanic and less than two months old when they contracted the disease. A total of  4,107 cases have been reported so far about 1 in every 100,000 people. If that was me, I just got another reason to leave California.

Check Out This Picture Of World's Longest Cat

This cat is the new Guinness Book of Records longest cat at a little over 4 feet long. If that was me, and I was the owner, I would teach the cat to walk on it's hind legs and take it trick-or-treating. No I swear lady, this is my kid, now give us some candy. 

Lady Antebellum Plays Free Concert At Gas Station

Country music group, Lady Antebellum, played a free concert at a Wisconsin gas station to relive their worst gig ever. In 2007 the group played before 15 people on the first day of deer hunting season at 5:30 AM as part of a radio promotion. This time more than 1,000 people showed up. If that was me, this would just be the morning I was late to work and needed gas.

Clinton Used Launch Codes To Impress Monica?

A former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Hugh Shelton, claims in a new book that then President Clinton, lost the launch codes for the nukes for months. This all happened about the same time the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, which makes you think was he showing off to her with them. The general would like us to believe the nation's security was at risk during this time. If that was me, I would check with Hilary, what do you bet she had them and was just F'ing with Bill. 

Watch Meteor Shower Tonight

Tonight at approximately 11PM local time, as long as the sky is clear, is your best chance to catch the meteor shower. Experts say for the best chance to witness it you should lay on the ground for several minutes to allow your eyes to adjust to the darkness. The experts obviously don't live in my neighborhood. If that was me, and I laid on the ground for several minutes, not only would I be robbed of my wallet, but the homeless would take my shoes.

Crocodile Causes Plane Crash

A plane crash in the Congo on August 25 was caused by a crocodile according to the lone survivor of the crash. The crocodile was smuggled on board the plane by a passenger in their luggage. When the crocodile escaped the crew and passengers rushed toward the front of the plane to escape the reptile, which caused the plane to become unstable and crash. The crocodile actually survived the crash but was killed by machete on the ground. If that was me, I would have saved that crocodile, and studied both it and the survivor to find their secret. Maybe when we fly our seats should be covered in crocodile skin.

Brett Favre's Wife Speaks

Brett Favre's wife Deanna, spoke publicly for the first time since the allegations against her husband surfaced. She appeared on "Fox And Friends" to promote her new book "The Cure For The Chronic Life; Overcoming The Hopelessness That Holds You Back" and said she "is using her faith as a crutch" If that was me, I would be using that crutch on Brett. I think we all know what the next book will be about.

Check Out This Ring That Sold For $15.7 Million

This ring just sold at auction for $15.7 million. If that was me, I could thing of alot of things nicer than this ring, especially at that price. The ring last sold in 1972 for $1 million. Does seem like it was a better investment than the stock market, though.

Earthquake Hits Mexico's Baja California

A 6.9 magnitude earthquake struck just off the coast of Mexico's Baja California early this morning. No damage was reported, however the same area was struck by three smaller quakes, over the last two days. If that was me, and I lived in that area I would seriously start thinking about relocating. What's so great about living near Mexican drug gangs, and in a place that it seems at any moment could slide off into the ocean, any way?

Eva Longoria In Car Accident

Eva Longoria was involved in a minor car accident last night around 7:30 PM. The accident was not her fault and she posted on Facebook that she is ok and just sore all over. If that was me, and I was driving the other car, I would of probably run into Joan Rivers and panicked when I saw the damage I had done to her face. Oh wait that was her plastic surgeon.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Jean-Claude Van Dam Has Heart Attack

A day after turning 50, Jean-Claude Van Dam, had a heart attack. That must of been some party. He is fine now, and has returned to Belgium. If that was me, I would realize I can't kick my heart's ass and start taking care of myself.

Official Release Date For Ironman 3

Ironman 3 has an official release date of May 3 2013. Still no word on who the villian might be. If that was me, I would move up production just in case the world really is ending in 2012

2012 Doomsday Date Wrong?

A professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara, Gerardo Aldana, says the Mayan calendar, which many have used to predict the end of the world may not be correct. He claims it may be off by between 50 to 100 years. If that was me, and I was actually smart enough to figure this out, I would let everyone know now. How are we ever gonna plan this party?

Man Turned In For Meth Lab By Mom

When a 45 year old man and his mother got into an argument on Saturday morning in the house they share, his mom called the police. She then proceeded to tell police she thought her son had set up a meth lab in the basement. He was caught trying to flee out the basement window. If that was me, and I was 45 and still living with my mom, I wouldn't be allowed to do drugs, let alone make them.

Spooky Bathroom On Philippine Plane

A Filipino man was found dead inside the bathroom of a plane Wednesday. Suicide is suspected, as the man appeared restless during the flight and was found with a cord wrapped around his neck. What makes this really strange is this is the same bathroom on the same plane where a woman gave birth and abandoned the baby in the trash bin. The baby was rescued. If that was me, this plane would only fly on Halloween.

Beyonce Pregnant?

The magazine US Weekly is reporting in it's latest issue that Beyonce is pregnant. If it is true I wish her and Jay-Z all the best. If that was me, I would be getting ready for a big lifestyle change, and alot of diaper changes. Can't we all see Jay-Z changing diapers between writing rap songs.

Stroller Recall

Graco has issued a voluntary recall of over 2 million strollers after revealing babies can become trapped between the tray and seat possibly leading to strangulation. Currently four infant deaths may be linked to these strollers. If that was me, and I had one of these strollers it would be going back today. Nothing is more horrible than when it involves a baby. A free repair kit is offered byGraco.

Olympic Star Banned For Male Enhancement Drug

U.S. sprint champion LaShawn Merrit has been banned from competing in the 2012 Olympics after testing positive for a substance he claims was in a male enhancement drug he was taking. I don't know why a sprinter would want his penis to be bigger. Wouldn't it just get in his way. If that was me, I would just stick with stuffing a sock down there, way more aerodynamic. 

Plane Hits Deer

A small single engine plane, in Florida, struck a deer while taking off and circled above the airport for more than an hour before landing safely. The plane was only slighty damaged, however the deer was killed. Amazingly the airport is surrounded by 9 feet tall fences. You think the deer thought I jumped that fence maybe I can jump over that plane. If that was me I would remove all the copies of Rudolph from the forest, obviously some deer don't know it's fiction.

Kayne West Replaces Teeth With Diamonds

Kanye West recently relaced his lower teeth with gold and diamond implants. Maybe he thinks it will make the things he says at least look nicer. If that was me, I would of waited until someone knocked my teeth out first, which we all know is coming. Now it will just be a whole lot more expensive.

'Housewives' Star Files For Divorce

'Housewivies of Orange County' star Vicki Gunvalson has filed for divorce from her husband of 16 years. The couple had just renewed their vows last year. How often have we seen this. If that was me, and my wife asked my to renew our vows, I would know it's time to hire a good divorce lawyer.

NFL Player Arrested For Swimming Drunk

Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee was arrested after police found him swimming in a canal at 5AM this morning. He reportedly tested at nearly twice the legal limit for alcohol and had trouble standing. If that was me, I would of told the police I was just getting my "kicks"

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

$50,000 Reward Offered

The U.S. Postal Service is offering a reward of $50,000 to anyone who can provide information regarding a man who tried to hold up the Center City post office in Philadelphia on Saturday morning. If that was me, and I knew who did this, I would definitely turn him in. $50,000 buys alot of stamps, what am I thinking? With that kind of money I could buy a car and personally deliver my own mail.

Taylor Swift Slams Ex In New Song

A song on Taylor Swift's new album seems to take on a famous ex from her past. The song "Dear John" is thought to be meant for former boyfriend John Mayer. I hope she really isn't upset with not having this player in her life anymore. If that was me, and I was Taylor Swift, the song would be "Thank God John Didn't Give Me A Disease"

NBA Bans Sneaker

For the first time in the league's history the NBA has banned a sneaker. The shoe in question is the Athletic Propulsion Labs Concept 1, which claims to increase your vertical leap. The sneaker is pricey even by the standards we've become used to with a retail price of $300. If that was me, and I was back in high school, I would do anything I had to in order to get a pair. Maybe then I could almost touch the rim. Yes I fit the stereotype of white men can't jump, hell I trip over the foul line on my way up.

Check Out Google TV

Google has a new product coming out, which provides seemless access to the Web, your TV, your DVR'S, and Android App's all through your HDTV. If that was me, I would put it on a TV in my bathroom, with a fridge nearby and you would never see me.

Lady GaGa Issued $1 Million Challenge

A singer-songwriter discovered on Youtube, Alisa Apps, has challenged Lady GaGa to a contest to determine who has the better vocals, with the winner receiving $1 million. If that was me, and I really wanted to challenge Lady GaGa, I would challenge her to walk around for a whole day in flats and an outfit from JC Penney. That might be the most difficult thing she could ever do.

Kayne West Considered Suicide

Kayne West recently admitted he had contemplated suicide, but would never cosider it now. His reason, he feels a responsibility to pop culture and art. Really? That's what keeps him from suicide. How about family, and the fact he is a role model for today's youth. If that was me, and I was Kayne, I would start thinking before I spoke. And I wouldn't use "hot" topics to get my name in the news.

Complaint Filed Against Justin Bieber

A complaint has been filed by the father of a 12 year old boy who was supposedly injured by Justin Bieber in a Canadian laser tag maze. A rumor has circulated that the 12 year old called Bieber a gay slur. If that was me, and my son really did use a gay slur, the last thing I would be doing is pressing charges. Maybe some sensitivity training, dad.

Shots Fired At Pentagon

Around 5AM this morning someone fired up to five shots from a rifle at the Pentagon. Two shots were known to hit the building but did not penetrate. A search of the area didn't turn up any suspects. If that was me, and I worked at the Pentagon, I would be very concerned. If someone can hit it with a rifle and not be detected what's to say they can't hit it with something stronger. Let's hope we learn from this.

Mike Tyson Sued For $25 Million

Mike Tyson is being sued by a paparrazzi photographer, who claims to have been assaulted by him in 2009. The confrontation reportedly happened at LAX and resulted in Mike Tyson being arrested. If that was me, I would be glad to escape with my life. I certainly wouldn't sue a man who supposedly has no money left, but could still kill me with one shot.

Corona With Lime In The Sun May Harm You

A dermatologist in N.Y., Dr. Scott Flugman, reports the combination of Corona beer and lime juice may cause brown spots on your skin if combined with exposure to sunlight. The spots, while not harmful, can last up to several months. If that was me, and I was Corona, I would market my beer as a safe tanning alternative. Can't you see it now people on the beach applying Corona and lime to their bodies, then drinking the rest. Sounds like a good time to me.

Monday, October 18, 2010

College Football Player Paralyzed

Rutgers defensive end Eric LeGrand was paralyzed below the neck following a tackle during the Rutgers/Army game Saturday. Emergency surgery was performed to stabilize his spine. Let's all pray for this young man to walk again. If that was me, and I was Rutgers, a school which has been very good at raising funds for it's football program, I would put all that effort into raising the funds needed to ensure every medical treatment possible is available to this young man. I am a Rutgers fan and I would gladly trade any future victories for the chance to see Eric walk back on that field.

Ex NFL Great Arrested Then Drives Off Cliff

Former NFL great Junior Seau, drove his Suv off a cliff shortly after being released by police custody on suspicion of domestic violence. The bizarre sequence started when police were called by his girlfriend who claimed he assaulted her during an argument at the home they shared. He was later arrested, then released, and a short while later drove off the cliff, receiving minor injuries. If that was me, and I was the girlfriend, I would consider myself lucky to be alive. I have seen the damage this man can do on a football field to say nothing of the fact he drove off a cliff and was barely hurt.

Mafia Informant Dissolved In Acid

A woman, who reportedly was cooperating with authories in Milan, Italy regarding two supposed organized crime families was killed by the father of her child and other family members. She was reportedly tortured and then dissolved in acid. If that was me, I would never mess with the Mafia, hell I won't even complain when my pizza is burnt.

Eminem And Rihanna Reunite For Another Duet

Rihanna is set to release what is supposed to be the sequel to "Love The Way You Lie" soon. The track will give the female point of view of domestic violence and will again feature Eminem. If that was me, I would not only donate all the proceeds of this track to domestic violence charities I would double it. When she says this topic "hits" home she means it.

Detective Killed Over Parkig Spot

An off-duty Baltimore detective was killed in an apparent dipute over a parking spot. The officer and the suspect reportedly exchanged words. The suspect then picked up a rock or piece of concrete and struck the officer in the head. If that was me, and I was the sentencing judge here, the punishment would be death by stoning at the hands of his coworkers and family. Even that's too good!

Serial Killer Mountain Goat Located And Killed

A 63 year old hiker was gored to death by a known trouble-making mountain goat in Washington. The goat, who was known to be aggressive, was located nearby with blood on it's horns and killed by park rangers. If that was me, and I liked to hike I would do it in the city. In the city the weirdos stand out, to me a goat is a goat.

Randy Quaid No Show In Court

Randy Quaid and his wife did not show up for a court appearance regarding a vandalism charge. If you don't know the original charge stemmed from squatting in the guest home of their former home. I originally joked how they were doing research for a new Chevy Chase movie. If that was me, and I was a true friend to these two, I would check into what's really going on. Chevy? This doesn't seem like a joke.

11 Year Old Turns In Parents For Pot

A day after watching a D.A.R.E program at his school an 11 year old boy brought a marijuana cigarette to school and reported his parents, who were subsequently arrested. If that was me, and I was the other parents in that school I would be very nervous about show and tell.

Frozen Vegetables Recalled

A recall has been issued by a Tennessee vegetable company, Pictsweet, for glass fragments in some of their products. The frozen vegetables were mostly sold in Krogers and Walmart stores. If that was me, I would take extra, extra precaution with vegetables. The last thing I need is another reason for my son not to eat them.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Teen Passes Driving Test, Crashes Into DMV

A Pittsburgh teen who had just passed his driver's test, then proceeded to drive through the front of the DMV when he was returning the tester to the building. If that was me, I would not only take away the teen's license, but I would fire the tester.

Man Grows Pot In His Front Yard

A Florida man has been charged with growing marijuana in his front yard, clearly visible from the road. The man, reportedly had 17 plants some as high as 7 fett tall. If that was me, I would ask what took police so long to notice that the plants could reach 7 feet in height. Maybe the house was always covered in a strange fog.

$35,000 Cell Phone Bill

A 27 year old woman who was visiting  her pregnant sister in Haiti when the earthquake hit was shocked by a cell phone bill from T-Mobile for almost $35,000 for two months of service. Kerfye Pierre thought she was taking advantage of a plan T-Mobile had offered for free calls to and from Haiti. Her problem came with thinking text messages and data were also free, they weren't. T-Mobile has offered to reduce the bill to $5,000, still beyond her means as a federal government worker. If that was me, and I was Verizon or some other wireless company, I would step in and pay off her bill. I would then sign her up as a customer, anyone that texts as much as she does will pay that amount back in no time. Not to mention all the good press they would receive.

College Bans Energy Drinks

Ramapo College in NJ has banned energy drinks that contain both caffeine and alcohol. The drinks are believed to allow a person to drink, while not realizing how drunk they are getting, and are often referred to as "roofies in a can" I don't get today's kids, I used to drink to get the feeling of being drunk. If that was me, I would show these kids the movie "Animal House" and let them see what college drinking is supposed to be about.

Another Car Recall

GM has issued a recall on 300,000 Chevrolet Impalas manufactured in 2009 and 2010 over seat belt problems. If you have one of these cars check with your dealer, and if repairs are needed they will be performed free of charge. If that was me, I would be really careful on the trip back to the dealer. Last thing you need is to get into an accident when you are on the way to get your seat belt checked.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Playboy Auditions More Women Or Men?

Approximately 175 women showed up in Manhattan at the Sheraton Hotel to see if they had what it takes to make it into Playboy Magazine. I wonder how many men showed up to try and witness the interviews and see the prospective Playmates. If that was me, and I owned a men's product company, this is one event I wouldn't missed.

UFO Spotted Over Manhattan

On Wednesday at approximately 1:30PM a mysterious shiny object was seen floating above Manhattan's West Side. Numerous phone calls came in to both the police and the FAA, who claimed they didn't see anything on their radar. A twitter post soon followed linking the sighting to a book by a retired NORAD officer predicting UFO's buzzing major U.S. cities on Oct. 13th. If that was me, I would be most worried about the fact that something so visible to so many wasn't seen on radar. Even if it was balloons, I wouldn't want them flying into an airliner's engine while it's over Manhattan.

Man Injured During Lap Dance Gets $650,000

A South Florida man has settled out of court for $650,000 with the Cheetah Club near West Palm Beach for an eye injury he suffered during a lap dance. Seems a stripper named "Suki" punctured his eye socket and broke several other bones near his nose and eye resulting in permanent double vision. If that was me, I would of held out for more. Know how fast his money will go in the strip club now that he's seeing double.

Dinosaur Fossil Found In NJ

A dinosaur fossil footprint has been found at a construction site in Clifton N.J. The name of the residential complex is the Four Seasons at Great Notch. If that was me, I would change the name. How about Dino Diggs? They could name the streets after dinosaurs. How cool would it be to live on Brontosaurus Blvd. Of course they could always make it for seniors and call it Fossil Town.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Rock Band Arrested For Blocking Freeway

The members of the rock band Imperial Stars were arrested when they blocked four lanes of U.S. 101 near Sunset Blvd in Los Angeles with a large box van and started playing on top. They were charged with obstructing traffic. If that was me, I would get Paris Hilton's lawyer. If she can get off after having a gram of coke these guys should get the key to the city.

Snooki To Make Appearance For Charity

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi will make an appearance for charity to fulfill her community service obligation stemming from her arrest earlier this year in Seaside Heights. It is called The Donations Of Love Drive and it benefits a program to spay and nueter pets. The event will be held at the Seaside Heights Community Center on Sunday from 1PM TO 4PM. You can bring something for her to autograph for $10 or buy a picture for an additional $10, with all proceeds going to the charity. If that was me, I would bring the Situation, no one knows more about dogs than him, and maybe no one needs to be nuetered more than him.

Transgender Woman Sues LPGA To Compete

A transgender woman, Lana Lawless, a former police woman who had sex change surgery five years ago has brought a suit against the LPGA for not allowing her to compete. The rules state you must be born a woman. If that was me, I would let her compete, after all she is 57 years old, and I don't think there are many men that age who could make the cut. Have a heart she can't really go back to being a cop with a name like Lawless can she?

Happy Meal Lasts 6 Months

A New York based photographer, Sally Davies, left a McDonalds Happy Meal in her kitchen for six months. When she took it out to photograph, the meal looked just like it had six months prior just rock hard. The meal hadn't even grown mold. This woman must not be human. If that was me, this experiment would of never happened, McDonalds fries don't last for a second around me.

Barack Obama And Sarah Palin Related

The website Ancestry.com is reporting that Barack Obama and Sarah Palin are related. Their research indicates they are tenth cousins by way of explorer John Smith. They have also reported barack Obama is related to Rush Limbaugh, George W. Bush, and Warren Buffet. That John Smith really was some explorer, sounds like he got more action than Tiger Woods. If that was me, I would ask the website where they got their information from, sleazy motel sign in books? C'mon we've all been John Smith at one time or another.

Check Out Candy Of The Decade Gift Boxes

Looking for a gift that is both fun and everyone can enjoy? Check out these Decade Box Gift Basket, which are actually boxes filled with candy of the decade of your choice. If that was me, I would get the 80's box, but I'm just that old . 

Man Takes Mile Long Ride In Sewer And Is Ok?

A Missouri worker, who slipped off his harness, took approximately a mile long ride in a 27 inche pipe, before he was rescued by firefighters, who heard his cries for help. If that was me, I would definitely find a new line of work. Suddenly it makes the Chilean miners plight seem like a trip to Disney.

New Michael Jackson Video?

"Michael Jackson's Vision" a boxed set that includes four and a half hours of video is set for release on November 22. The box set includes a video for the song "One More Chance", which was filmed in 2003 but never released due to his pending charges of sexual molestation. If that was me, and I was Michael's family, I would spread out these releases, after all look at the fact we are still getting "new" stuff from Tupac long after his death. This money train shows no sign of stopping.

Porn Production Shut Down, Actor Tests Positive For HIV

Wicked Pictures and Vivid Entertainment, two of the largest producers of porn films, have shut down production due to the report of a porn actor testing positive for HIV. The actor was a patient of the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation a clinic that caters to porn stars. The actor has not been identified, however all efforts are being made to contact those he had contact with. The Occupational Safety Health Association is looking into the matter also. A clinic that caters to porn stars, OSHA looking into it, who knew all this was involved in porn? If that was me, and I was really worried about getting a disease, I wouldn't be doing porn. Sort of seems like russian roulette with a different kind of gun.

The Situation Is Out

The Situation was voted off DWTS last night. He was truly awful. If that was me, I would go back to the gym where he seems more at home, and anywhere you can find desperate, mindless ho's.

Ladies You Have To Check Out This Site

I recently stumbled upon a website that I think every woman will love. The site is Go Try It On.com and it allows you to upload a picture of yourself in an outfit and get an honest real time opinion from other users of the site. It also contains links to deals on all kinds of clothes and shoes. If that was me, I would check it out.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Toilet Seat Safer Than Your Cell Phone

Your cell phone can have 500 times more germs on it than your toilet seat. If that was me, and I was an inventor, I would start working on the toilet phone now. Afterall, most of what I use it for is crap anyway.

Christina Aguilera And Husband Separate

Reportedly Christina Aguilera and her husband of five years, have separated. First David and Courtney, now this. You think it's possible Christina heard David was available and didn't want to miss out? Me neither, sorry David you don't get to hit the jackpot twice in your life. If that was me, I would be getting a good divorce attorney, maybe some money will ease their pain, seems to work for alot of women! Just kidding ladies.

Head Of Investigator Delivered To Police

The head of the lead investigator of the case involving a missing jet skier has been delivered to Mexican authorities. A woman reported last week that her husband had been shot in the head and she was fired at while they were on jet skis on a lake that touches the borders of Texas and Mexico. Pirates on the ocean, Mexican gangs on lakes, what happened to the good old days when all you had to worry about was sharks. If that was me, I would stick to vacations at the amusement parks. Let's hope Mickey doesn't have an agenda, we know he has a gang.

Glow In The Dark Ouija Board

Amazon has a glow in the dark Ouija board on sale, just in time for Halloween. If a Ouija board isn't scary enough, but glow in the dark. If that was me, I would invite the biggest scary cats I know and play this. You will be talking about it for years to come.

Gavin Rossdale Admits Affair With Cross-dresser

Gavin Rossdale has apparently admitted to once having an affair with a cross-dresser. If that was me, and I was married to Gwen Stefani, I wouldn't care what anyone thought about me. Enjoy your wife and kids Gavin.

Kim Kardashian Nude

Kim Kardashian will appear nude on the cover of W magazine November issue. If that was me, and I was a magazine no one ever heard of, I would do more of this. I can honestly say I have never seen this magazine before, and probably won't again unless they put someone else nude on the cover.